Skills for Life Session 6 - Dealing with Emotions

Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the sixth, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills sessions at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

Before the session

Today, children were getting health checkup and therefore we did not have our usual room for conducting the session. Nevertheless, we found a small corner for ourselves where Lalita ji was sitting, some kids were sleeping and here we were - a bunch of extremely excited people eager to discuss what emotions are. We enacted all emotions we knew from happiness to sadness and from anger to excitement.

During the session

Children told me how they react when they are angry or what they do to show love - some hug each other, some simply smile while others jump in happiness. It made me wonder how easy it is to feel the different hues of emotions around us if we let ourselves free, if we just do not let the child in us die. Let the smile reach your eyes, jump when you are excited, laugh whole heartedly like nobody is watching, dance when you want to, get angry, cry your heart out. 

Their discussion left me thinking for a long time and I learnt a lot that day. As we get older, expressing emotions is considered 'childish'. We feel that we will be considered weak if we cry. It is not elderly to laugh out loud or to express anger in front of the people we are angry with. So we resort to alternate means - we talk behind people's back, we do not express love, we keep thinking what the other person might think and all of this culminates into what it was meant to be - us becoming idealised adults running and walking as this world wants us do. The result - we are deprived of these beautiful emotions that make us human.

So, when I was with these children, my faith in expressing emotions increased manifold. We shared stories, some personal, while others funny. We also shared how we manage some of the intense emotions like anger or frustration. We then linked this discussion to the previous sessions on dealing with failures or self-worth. As usual, I did not have to do anything. I was a mere facilitator in that room.

We also had moments of laughter in between. While Aseema was placing strands of hair back on my ears and trying to count them, Mrinal asked a question assuredly - "Didi, gin ne se baal kam ho jate hain na?" (Didi, if we count our hair, they become less no?) I laughed and I said to Aseema not to count my hair. We all laughed.

Then we shared some stories that made us understand the importance of expressing whole heartedly more intensely and freely. 

The elephant story

When an elephant is small, people tie it with a chain so that it does not go haywire. So, it become used to move in a particular radius only. But even when it grows up, it feels that the same rope is still tied. The thing that he does not realise is that now it is so powerful that it can break the chain. Break the cycle of fear and overcome it. You can do anything if u want.

Vivekanda story

Once Vivekanda was going through a jungle. Suddenly some monkeys surrounded him and started to growl. He was frightened and started to run because of the fear. There was a wise person who saw all this. He advised him not to run and instead stand still and look straight in the eyes of monkeys. When he did that all the monkeys ran away.

Fear is like those monkeys if you run away from it will haunt you but if you start to look straight it will vanish. Face your fears.

While we were discussing these stories, I realised that the most hated and difficult to deal emotion for these children is anger. So we directed our discussion solely to what anger is and how we can strive to manage it.

I asked them why do we get angry? They gave various reasons like fighting with a friend, seeing people fight on the streets etc etc. Then we tried to divide these reasons into three main groups namely:

1. Because of others’ behaviour
2. Because of situations
3. Because of self-behaviour

Then we discussed how the first two things are not in our control but the last one is. We are just wasting our energy if we are fretting and fuming. Its like adverse weather, we cannot change it but we can protect ourselves against it. As far as the last thing is concerned, this is in our control- change your behaviour instead of feeling guilty about it.

We discussed how anger is like an acid which harms not only the person on whom it is thrown but also to the container of the acid. Frustration and irritation are the children of anger only. These are the first stages of anger. If we control it at that level, chances of becoming angry are less. Children vented out how they deal with anger - some write, some keep it inside while other shout and fight. 

They were told - Wait for sometime and then respond, not REACT!

Children were left in some deep thoughts and then we directed the discussion towards how all these emotions make us who we are - we can become a happy content person or a sad frustrated person. It all depends on how we manage our motions.

After the session

After the discussion, we danced a bit and then I left the centre with a promise to return back. In my heart, I didn't want to return back for the last session. I didn't want it to be the last one. While walking away, I was thinking that I need to learn a lot to manage my emotions - I need to express more, I need to accept that it is okay to miss the place I love the most and that it is okay to share. I was fighting a battle of emotions inside me that day - one week left before I leave India for further studies. Was I prepared for it? Can I ever be prepared for it?

Until next time,

Stay calm!

P.S. The next time you say anything derogatory against these children or their mothers, think twice. These children are same as our children. In fact, most of them seem to have better values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing this session. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. :-)

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.