The Dialects of Love

I am not a romantic. But I carry hope like a romantic would. There is a difference between the two.

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Recently, I read a book titled, 'The Noticer' written by Andy Andrews. This book is about 'perspective', which the writer emphatically states that most of us miss; the reason for our sufferings. In one of the chapters where he writes on relationships, he mentions that there are four different dialects to love or expression. Each of us speaks at least one of these and a failure to adapt to what the other understands and accepts, leads to broken relationships.

Somewhere near the White Rann in
Gujarat, India

The four dialects are:

1. Verbal form of expression;

2. Performing deeds or doing something special;

3. Spending quality time;

4. Physical contact.

As I was reading through the chapter, I was wondering that maybe all of us speak all these dialects. However, by the end of the chapter it dawned upon me that even though we may speak a combination of these, we do not necessarily understand that at least one of these will be stronger in each one of us. A failure to understand this leads to superficial relationships, and not deep ones. 

For instance, I may believe that the other person is my friend if that person says that she/he loves me. But for this other person, spending quality time with me would be an assurance of the friendship between us. On the other hand, If I continue to tell her/him how much he/she means to me (because that dialect of expression is mine), it won't make a difference. He/She will continue to not get assurance or feel secure in this relationship with me. This is because we both have not adapted to the other's dialect of expression. I am not spending quality time and he/she is not saying it enough verbally.

So what is love or friendship or family without comprehending these dialects of love or expression? I do not know. I am on my way to ponder upon these in light of the relationships I have in my life.

Until next time,

Find your dialect of love!