I am driving back from work on the crowded roads of Delhi. As the traffic stops at the traffic light, I realise it is dark and there are no stars in the sky. I look around me; anxious and impatient drivers waiting for the traffic light to turn green. They blow the horn even when there is some time for the signal to turn green.
My eyes wander and stop at a street light, throwing light on a big shady tree on one side of the road. The following lyrics play. I wonder at the irony of the placement of every object and every human-being around me, in light of these lyrics.
"पिघले नीलम सा बहता हुआ यह समां
नीली नीली सी खामोशियाँ
न कहीं है ज़मीन, न कहीं आसमान
सरसराती हुई टहनियां, पत्तियां
कह रही हैं की बस तुम हो यहाँ
सिर्फ मैं हूँ
मेरी सांसें हैं और मेरी धड़कनें
ऐसी गहराइयाँ, ऐसी तनहाइयाँ
और मैं सिर्फ मैं
अपने होने पर मुझको यकीन आ गया "
Suddenly, I am reminded of my scuba diving experience in Olbia a few months ago. I return back to the present, wondering, if I believe in my existence? Even though I am not sure, these lyrics feel right.
****
My mind is then transported back to work where many courageous and committed individuals work every single day tirelessly with hope that one day, they will be able to see a world free of child slavery. This is despite the many setbacks because of the bureaucratic Government, the insensitive society and the politics of ego, money and power. This is also despite witnessing horrifying and horrendous moments every single day.
I then think of the millions of children working as domestic help, serving food and cleaning houses, in brick kilns and carpet making industries, in bidi making and firecrackers industry; anywhere and everywhere.
I know for a fact that I have on countless occasions worried about my education, work, relationships and a lot more. No, I do not want to feel good for my own plights at the cost of others. I am sad for myself. My emotions, loss, relationships and worries at different point of time in life seem so insignificant and futile. This brings me to the question - Are we supposed to be selfish or are we supposed to be giving? What is being humane then? Is it really needed? Does it define humanity?
Every day, when I drive in the morning to office, there is a man who begs for money with a smile. I know I cannot do much except give him food may be. But I feel sad. I ask myself the following question, a friend asked me yesterday over a rather emotional discussion.
"Is it all worth it?"
The relationships, emotions and fears, do I need these? Can I give up all of them for a larger cause? Will that be worth it?
I have one life and giving it up for anything won't matter to anyone. I am not sure of many answers and I have increasing number of questions everyday. But I know for sure that this madness to do anything and everything against slavery, has never presented itself with disappointments. The cause is capable of giving a feeling of transience, constancy and freedom; all that I seek for, despite its inherent nature of unfreedom for millions!
Towards the journey of transience, constancy and freedom.
Towards a bit more hope every day despite the blow of horns, the traffic and the anxious, impatient and insensitive people around me.
Towards a bit more hope every day despite the blow of horns, the traffic and the anxious, impatient and insensitive people around me.
Until next time,
