I owe my Ph.D. to my parents

I was wondering how we always think that we are the ones to teach all the technology and gadget related functions to our parents. And that their ways of knowing and practicing things are perhaps outdated.

But I believe we are wrong here.

I remember that my first lesson in using Microsoft Word was from my father - he instilled in me the knowledge and significance of line spacing, alignment, formatting and so on, even though he had himself not used much of Word then. He also had the patience to read multiple drafts of my work so that I would one day not need him or anyone else to proofread my work multiple times. His lessons came from knowing the basics of language writing, composition, and structure.

I also remember how my mother taught me the importance of pronunciation and how to be eloquent in debates and poetry, that people would be mesmerised by your mere presence. I also remember how she would make it to all my performances and then give me 'constructive feedback' and help me improve each subsequent time. 

I basically miss learning from my parents. I did not go to schools where there would be fascinating lessons in language and a personal involvement by teachers to ensure that I had good writing skills for life. So, my parents filled in the gap. They never gave up on me and they still don't. My very first and most important lessons in language came from them.

I for one owe much of my Ph.D. to them.

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I am NOT this Unity that we in India are brought up with

The present story of the abduction, gang rape (multiple times) and murder of an 8-year old girl in a temple in India has forced me to contemplate on the various situations of casual sexism, jokes around rapes and the commodification of the female body that I have encountered. All these situations have made me hate the words “joke”, “fun” or “being casual”.

I recollect all the times when someone tells a sexist joke and I do not laugh and then I am told, “don't be a killjoy! थोड़ा enjoy कर लो यार.” Or the times when rape is presented as a joke in movies or family shows on television and one is supposed to laugh and if I argue that this is what normalises rape, I am told, 'इस से कुछ नहीं होता, यह तोह entertainment है, reality नहीं है.'

Or the innumerable times when non-sensical Whatsapp messages stereotype women's roles as a wife, a girlfriend or objectifying any and every part of a female body; all of this has contributed to what we in India are faced with today - rapes of 8-year-old girls in temples. And I have come across all these situations with the most “educated cultured youth belonging to respectable families of our country”, which has also made me doubt the meaning of “being educated” or progress for that matter.

In addition, look at all the small useless things we fret with - whose role is what, who is supposed to behave in what way; the constant scrutiny and direction of a woman's life from birth to death (मतलब इतना टाइम है फालतू!). If this was not enough, we even take pride in justifying such countless illogical traditions and customs in the name of preserving our culture. We never realise that this leaves half the population of our country disempowered, uneducated and immensely vulnerable in all aspects. अब कहाँ है culture?

So, before blaming anything or anyone again, maybe look at your HOME because all these instances happen in those family chat groups or in family gatherings or on family shows. The power of communication, technology, illogical traditions and customs and the power of a non-sensical mind should not be under-estimated. We have no idea where all this communication comes from or goes to and internalises or normalises someone's idea of a girl, a woman, a female body.

If you do not have the brains to have an opinion or the courage to take a stand, then please please do not contribute to the already worsening situation by mindlessly forwarding texts, sharing anything on social media or for that matter laughing on anything to fit in or be cool. It is a sin now like seriously.

Oh but wait, we are in India. हम fun करते हैं, हम cool हैं. तोह चलो अपने whatsapp groups पे और sexist jokes बनाएं, rape का मज़ाक उड़ाएं, और यह बार बार करते रहे जब तक सब को यह normal नहीं लगने लगता. और और औरत को घर में बंद कर दें बिना सर पैर के त्यौहार और रीति रिवाज़ से.

With this story, I reach a saturation point where I choose to dissociate with the spirit of the nation, of the 'सारे जहाँ से अच्छा हिन्दुतान हमारा' emotion, of the 'united we stand divided we fall' motto we are educated with or the 'proud history of independence' which we remember with a tear in our eye. Because I refuse to be part of this unity; I am not this unity.

#againstMILITARISEDpatriarchy #basab #againststatesponsoredrape#againstpatriarchy

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