Friday 29 July 2016

जो हो सके तोह लौटना....मदारी!

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I have no sense of any judgment of how a movie is nor do I have any specific interest in doing so. I never read reviews before or after watching a movie. I am that average disinterested person who just doesn't almost never wants to know what other people think of movies before I decide to watch them. Most of my decisions are based on my instinct including that of watching a movie. So basically I am that kind of a normal being for who even if some lyrics or a dialogue from a movie touch her heart, she would dance with happiness and contentment. Therefore, this blog post is definitely not for those who are looking forward to know how the movie Madaari is. In all probability, this blog post will be filled with my blabbering rather than any concrete comment on the movie.

As I stated, some movies or songs or even books touch my heart beyond what words can express. For me, such impressions leave a long lasting impact. This is because most of the times I feel wholly; I feel one thing or one emotion at a time and I do it fully and sensitively. I cannot multi-task. Most of the times it does not play in my favour but always it does make me evolve into a better version of myself, even though slower than most other people. But I do not regret this "when I think of the few people who love me unconditionally". Told you, I always blabber in blog posts!

As I lie down half awake on my bed at 00:57 AM in the morning after watching this heart touching movie, I have this emptiness in my mind. Part of the reason for this emptiness is also because I have just returned from a place where for the first time I experienced what it is to be completely empty from the mind - nothingness, stillness and emptiness. People usually experience this when they meditate. After all, meditation is supposed to do this for you. I wish to be in this state forever without having to talk too much, explain beyond what general reason would dictate or care too much about anyone but me. 

Madaari is about this common person, the person who leads a simple life without caring too much about what is going on in the world but who is strong enough to stand and shake the world when faced with gross injustice. So basically it is a movie about us or maybe it is not. I leave it upon you to decide.

We do feel injustice when we witness it in the world - wars, murders, corruption, rapes, violence etc. But we do not always feel or do anything about it when it happens at the most personal level - the level that shakes your soul off. Madaari is about that. Madaari is about the average us, the मदारी in us.  

For me, Madaari gives me the strength to speak against daily injustices. For instance, the societal injustice I face as a woman, the pressure of doing certain things at a certain age like marriage or education, the gross injustice of expectations from people who do not even matter and would just talk - the simple, small, huge injustices. Many people say, just turn the table around, play cleverly or just let it be. Don't feel it too much. But I do. I am not clever and smart, I am sensitive and honest. I cannot plan or strategise. But what I can do is not stay silent. I cannot be clever but what I can be is simple and give it to people on their face.



Madaari ends on these lines - 

बोल की लब आज़ाद हैं तेरे
बोल ज़बान अब तक तेरी है
तेरा सुत्वा जिस्म है तेरा
बोल की जान अब तक तेरी है
बोल की थोड़ा वक़्त बहुत है
जिस्मो जुबां की मौत से पहले
बोल की सच ज़िंदा है अब तक
बोल जो कुछ कहना है
कह ले....

On first reading, these words may seem like some words filled with patriotism. For me, they are not. For me, these are for us, for the normal average us, the us who fight small battles everyday.

Until next time,
कह ले....

:-)

Tuesday 26 July 2016

Day 10 - Encountering Stories

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As I sit in Pisa waiting for my flight to London, reminiscing the soulful, daring, scary and overly joyful experiences that I have encountered in the past ten days, I look at this friendship band on my hand that a stranger just tied on my hand with true love in his heart. Although I had planned to pen down my experience of backpacking across Europe in a chronological order in this blog, however, the story that I encountered today needs to be penned down now.


The past ten days were nothing less than an adventure of a lifetime and it would not be an overstatement to state that this trip has definitely set the bar very high for me, in terms of travel, experiences, learning, meeting new people and encountering soulful stories. Traversing through a plethora of landscapes from the sea to the mountains and the dry lands in every possible means of transport from the bus to the train, the ship, the ferry and the airplane, my eyes 'felt' it all. For the first time since I started learning photography on a DSLR, I did not carry the DSLR with me. I wanted to see and traverse everything through my eyes and not the lens. It was good although I did miss the DSLR sometimes. Not important :D


















So not diverging much and coming back to the purpose of this blog post as I also need to check-in soon, I just encountered one of the most kind and warm souls. As I was on my way to the airport after seeing 'some of Pisa', my eyes stopped on this particular roadside stand. This man, about 50 years old was very intently making and customising unique things out of different coloured wires on a roadside stand. I couldn't stop myself but stare at him (sometimes I also wonder at my weirdness in behaving socially). Then the following happened:


He: Hello!
Me: Hi! Can you carve a name out of this wire for me?
He: First, tell me which country are you from?
Me: I am from India. And you are from Pisa?
He: Yes, have been living here for a while now. Not used to seeing an Indian roaming around with a backpack here.
Me: (smiles)
He: So what would you like me to carve? You can write the same on a paper here.
Me: (writes on the paper and talks to him while he carves) So how long have you been making this art?
He: Several years. When I was young, I made this and then for some years I did something else but then I returned back to this.
Me: Great (some personal conversations around what he was carving).
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He: Here. Is it fine?
Me: This is perfect. Thank you so much!
(I handed the money with a thank you note)
He: Oh woww. Pick one of those friendship bands from me, whichever you like.
Me: No, this is fine. Thank you very much.
He: No, you have to take one.
Me: Okay then you can choose one for me.
He: (picks one and explains the meaning) This is the colour of Tuscany where you were just backpacking before this.
Me: (with tears in my eyes and a feeling of completion of a wonderful trip in my heart) Thank you. Can I have a picture with you?
He: Sure. Come in the shade.
(we click a selfie)
Me: Can I have your email ID so that I can send you this picture?
He: Sure. Here.
Me: Thank you and I hope to be back here soon. I will call you when I am here again.
He: Sure. Thank you. All the best!

And like this, this was one of the many stories I encountered during this journey. Oh that feeling of stillness, contentment and nothingness! Indeed, wonderful souls and stories reside in every corner of the world. We miss many of these for we do not wish to stop and 'see through the soul' (ken-sho).

Until next time,
"What is life if full of time you have no time to stand and stare."

P.S. Felice, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I go back home with a heart full of gratitude and love. You are a wonderful human being. Apologies if I have made mistakes in describing your soulful art.

Monday 11 July 2016

If Only

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Picture taken in Leh, Ladakh, India   (Spot me! :D)                               

At one point or the other in life (actually most of the times), most of us try to find solace in music, movies, books, places and people. Despite this, we never seem to have 'found solace permanently'. This blog post is about finding solace, peace and not getting bogged down by the 'reality' of life. Or may be it is not.

While writing this blog post, as I listen to the the song Yeh Pal by Prateek Kuhad, my mind is fixated on the following lyrics -

यह कैसा खेल है, क्यों इधर हम फंस गए. 
यह वादों का है क्या, आज हैं कल नहीं.

So blunt, isn't it? Yet so simple and true. We all feel trapped in situations, moments and relationships. We may feel dejected and betrayed of some wrong done to us, dreams shattered or promises crushed. Most of the times, things do not seem to be as planned. May be this is because we 'assume and trust' that whatever we plan in that fairy tale like mind of ours is perfect and real. We fixate our heart on these plans and dreams. We cannot bear that they be broken into pieces in front of of us. We crib, we shout, we stress out, we cry, and we distance ourselves from who we are.

So, when plans choose to diverge, promises broken and dreams seem shattered, we find solace outside of us - in people, places, food or books. Too much of a reality check? Too much of pessimism? What to do - the heart wants what it wants!

Philosophy teaches us many things about this and it might even have some answers. Having started to read the same lately, I 'think' that if this world is in a constant state of flux as propounded by Heraclitus in 500 B.C., then why do we fixate on our plans so much? He proves the same by stating that you can never step into the same river twice. So is it possible to plan the course of that river which is so dynamic, instantaneous and 'fragile'?

Actually I don't have any idea on how to save ourselves from all the heart breaks and everything negative in life. I would just say this - do not expect, do not make promises, do not assume, and do not plan so much for God's sake (!!); relax, chill, eat, travel and read with the belief that at least you are there for yourself and that is okay! 

All that we need to survive and truly live does not require us to be grown up or reach a certain stage in life or earn a certain amount of money. I always imagine myself in a peaceful and isolated place doing what I love with no rush or inclination to prove anything to anyone. I also imagine myself drinking hot coffee in my favorite cup while writing. I also imagine myself dancing to the tunes of the wind in that special place. I imagine how wonderful it would be to stare out of those large glass windows out in the mountains, maybe. And I want to do all of this as soon as possible. But is this possible? Don't most of us want this? However, very few of us actually live this. Why?

This is tough. This is not easy, the reason why very few, very few of us are actually able to live this. After all, it takes a great deal of courage and innate strength to just be, to love, to take that leap of faith, to trust, to fall and rise again, to choose the road less traveled. Because most of this will not fill your resumes or will not get you in the 'league' or may not even be according to the 'standards' of the world. And worst of all, many-a-times we may think that we have taken the road less traveled when we haven't (the horror of reality versus myth)!

But I will live what I dream of. I know. I am actually living this, maybe. And people who are not, they might be losing out on a lot or maybe not. I don't care. But I do care about me. I don't want to be a part of the universe's regret that most people end up in. I want to be a part of the universe's hope, smiles and happiness. I am taking steps each day to 'not plan' or be of a certain age or earn a certain amount of money in order to make this dream a reality. I am actually trying to live it with what I already have and I know that I always will. And one day, when I actually have that place, I shall write to you while sipping hot coffee in my favorite cup, sitting by those windows. 

इससे न ज़्यादा
इससे न काम
बस इतना ही
हर दिन.

Until next time,
I am off backpacking across Europe, trying to comprehend Philosophy's One Big Question - What is reality?
:-)

P.S. Is it really important to differentiate between dreams and reality? Does this differentiation give rise to all woes?

Saturday 2 July 2016

To Us - हम पांच!

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Disclaimer: Gradually recovering from the cold but hazy eyesight. Expect language errors.

I have a really cool group of friends here in London. Not really friends, but a bunch of five crazy girls who are indeed family for life. We all kind of naturally 'clicked' since the past one year. Each of us are starkly different in our habits, nature, likes and dislikes but we still managed to click! Now that most of us are going to be done with our studies, we are each leaving for different places. And I want to be really honest when I say this that each one of us have been terribly terrified about this. The reality is dawning gradually. 

It is like we are stepping into a new phase, the journey from here is going to be one hell of a ride. But there is this 'invisible craziness' that binds us together, hand in hand, even if all of us are not physically together now. When they say that it takes a great deal of courage to depart from people you truly love, they say it right. These bunch of crazy people have been the best thing that happened to me in a long long time. Happiness, joys, successes, heart breaks, sadness, sickness have been possible to sail through smoothly because we all held each other closely and dearly and warmly. And not just by our physical presence but this is irrespective of the time and distance. And we will for the rest of our lives (Ab toh karna hi padega yaar, log kya kahenge varna. Public obligation ho gayi :D). Just to ensure that the possessiveness in some of us for each other does not get too over the board, we have made several pacts. For one, to travel each year together at least once. And also to be family to each other's respective families back home. 

The empty dining tables, the laughters through the corridors, cuddling together to sleep, the late night adventures and everything together...these are surely being missed but I know that as we grow old together, it is going to be much more exciting. We already can sense the excitement from far away for each other's lives (can't share the details :D).

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Sometimes I wonder how exciting it would be to grow old with these people. I am going to be 25 soon. As much as it scares me, it also kind of comforts me because I have earned some really kind hearted souls and I am going to cling on to them no matter where life takes me. 

It is inevitable that we are going to meet new people, make new relationships and also go to places. We may also not have the privilege to really be there for each other physically many a times. But I do know that one of us, each time, will ensure that all of us stay together, in true spirit and soul. This is not just about true relationships, but a sense of security and happiness, of the privilege to not worry and have each other's back.

Benchmark set so high! I wish every relation could be this pious and true. So what does it take to find 'peace' in relationships? A little bit of care, the effort to be really there in times of most dreaded needs and to be able to get each other irrespective of the time and distance (This is just to remind myself that this is who I am, this is not for you).

Until next time,
Build few but true friendships, for they last a lifetime!


Friday 1 July 2016

'Waiting' for 'Dhanak' - "तू अपना सच मान, मैं अपना सच मानूंगी".

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Disclaimer: This is the most boring and bizarre post.

This post is the result of watching two spectacular movies one after the other. No, I am not on a holiday (sadly). I have cold. And when I have cold, I can't really sleep. 

So, as I kind of half lie in my bed at around 1:05 AM watching the weather drastically change in a matter of hours through the window of my room, I wonder (as usual). Watching out of the window has been my favourite past time recently. I can do that for hours. Why? I have no idea why I have developed this recent fascination for windows and feet (taking pictures of both out of some foregone musings). Can't do without both!

I can hear the trees wavering in a melody due to the wind, the sound of some vehicles and of course my breath (very vividly) as a result of the cold. But amidst all of this, there is a strange thought as a result of watching the two movies, Waiting and Dhanak. Why do we wait for things, people and us to live, when a little bit of courage can make us walk all the way to a sea of smiles, wishes, dreams and laughter; and as a matter of fact really incredible ones. 

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In Waiting, as Shiv and Tara wait for their respective partners to heal, they together start seeing life through various perspectives. They laugh, they cry, they get angry and they love, a little more each day. Most of the times, what they preach, do not practice but try to practice. But there comes a point when they do practice, which is when they accept what has dawned upon them as the biggest misery of their lives. This tells us that there is a marked difference between acceptance and real acceptance. Yes, that is the easiest way in which I can put my thoughts forward. Many of us live in illusions. I don't know if that is right or wrong. I too did live in a very big illusion until a while ago. I believed that human trafficking can be eradicated from this world in my lifetime. Ideally, it should be. After all, how can any human being be bought and sold. This is wrong and unacceptable. Gradually, I started accepting that maybe human trafficking will not end in my lifetime. But it was when I really accepted that it will definitely not end in my lifetime, I started taking practical and realistic steps to contribute my part to its ultimate demise.

Was this sudden dawn of reality easy? No it wasn't, it isn't. 

However, the madness and optimism behind the thought that human trafficking will end in my lifetime accorded me the privilege (if I may say) and the courage to keep going. As Pari and Chotu in Dhanak walk all the way to Jaisalmer to meet their hero to get Chotu's vision back, covering more than 300 kms all by themselves amidst a desert (I know it is fictional), one actually traverses many impossible journeys with them - the journeys of all the thoughts and wishes that one always wanted to walk through - of the impossibles - of the courage - of the strength - of the strong will. Where does all of this come from?

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So is it really necessary to accept reality or is living in an illusion in fact reality?

As I prepare to move to another session of viewing from my window, I leave you all with this bizarre post to find answers. Oh I can now see the lightning! (And then people question why people in Britain talk about the weather all the time). 

I don't really believe that we can find answers, but I do know that all that is needed to traverse those small journeys of faith, courage and hope, lies inside us. See the magic though your heart, capture it in your hands and swallow it inside. Magic will then lie inside you (Translated from Dhanak).

Until next time,
"तू अपना सच मान, मैं अपना सच मानूंगी".