Skills for Life Session 4 - Dealing With Change

Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the fourth, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills sessions at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

I no longer feel skeptical to talk about anything with these beautiful children. They are vibrant, bright, confident, courageous dreamers! And not just dreamers, but dreamers with goals.

Dealing with any kind of change comes as a very tough task for all of us. They say that change is a part of life, change is the only constant. However, no matter what anyone says, dealing with change happens at a very individual and personal level. Dealing with change is unique to each one of us. As we grow old, it only becomes harder. This is because as we grow older, we tend to have some strong views, beliefs, and strong perceptions of the environment we live in. Children also find it hard to deal with change. However, they see the world through a completely different lens - a lens that is not marred by any assumptions, negative perceptions or the distinctions of right and wrong. This makes the process of dealing with change for them much easier. The question is - is having those strong perceptions and beliefs essential to the process of growing up? Why do we struggle to deal with changes around and within us?

Before the Session

As I entered the lovely SPID-SMS Centre, one girl shouted, "Pankhuri didi aa gayi!" (Pankhuri Didi has come!). I felt at home. Many other children gathered around and we sat outside the room for some time. They excitedly told me about the function they had on Independence Day - the vibrant dance, songs, food etc. Some of them are so passionate for dancing that despite being ill, they not only danced, but also made others dance in sync, just in a matter of few hours. Then one child asked me if I had thrown away the bits of papers from the previous session, on which they had written their failures and hurdles to their dreams (Skills for Life Session 3 - Dealing with Failures). I emphatically and proudly said yes! They smiled.

Some dreams do not let us sleep.
End Human Trafficking.

Then they saw the mehendi in my hand. They asked me excitedly as to what was written on my hand. I replied - read it for yourself. So they started to read and curiously asked the meaning of each word that was engraved on my hand. The purpose of writing these words seemed complete. My heart smiled as they held my hands, sat on my lap, and started chirping around like little birds. How I adore them!

Start of the Session

The session started by asking them to write down the changes that have occurred in their lives in the past few years. Efforts were made to explain that they can write about anything, from the changes in their hairstyle to the changes in their life goals. Lalitha ji added that they can write about the changes in their body, the place they live, the food they eat, the friends they have made etc. Children started to write.

"Our school uniform has changed.
Now I am in 4rth grade. My hair
style has changed now. Pankhuri
Didi has started to come now. We
were not studying well before. Now,
we study well. I was very little
before. Now I am a big girl."

"There have been many changes in my life.
The biggest change is that now I can study
well. Before, I used to get angry a lot. Now, I
do not get angry. Because of Lalitha Mam, there
have been many good changes in our lives. I
have to bring many more changes in my
life for myself."

Then there was a small discussion where children read what they had written and how they feel about it. There were emotions and feelings ranging from happiness, to struggling to make their way through these changes. 

"I didn't know how to dance two years
ago, but now I know to dance well.
I used to abuse before, but now I have
started to do that very less. Before,
we boys used to fight with girls, but
now we fight less. Before, my hairstyle
had spikes, now I keep them simple.
Now I study a bit more."

Continued from the picture on the left:
"Before my parents didn't allow me to
stay in this centre but then my teacher
talked to my parents. Since then, I have
been living here and I like it here. Since
the time I am staying in this centre, my
life has started to change."
"For the next one week, I will not fight
and I will complete my home work. And
I will not talk while studying."

Children were then asked to fold their arms. They did that. Then they were asked to fold their arms the other way. They started wondering as to what I was making them do. Some of them struggled, some of them were able to do so. Efforts were made to trigger thoughts that we all feel resistance and go through unusual feelings when we do certain things differently, when change comes in our life. 

Then a video of Kiran Bedi was played (Video link), showing how she adjusted to the environment of the Tihar Jail when she was first posted there. She just did not accept change, but also took on the responsibility to set things right. She transformed the prisoners there from aggressive to peaceful human-beings. Lalitha ji added and explained how we can bring positive changes around us for the benefit of the society. And how it is up to us to transform difficult situations to great opportunities.

Efforts were made to give more examples where people reacted positively to change. Children also shared their experiences of reacting positively to change namely, adjusting in a  new home, with new friends, etc.

A video of the famous and renowned dancer Sudha Chandran was played. Children were then asked if they noticed anything unusual in the video. All of them unanimously said no. Then they were told that Sudha Chandran met with an accident and she has an artificial leg. Despite this, she crossed all failures and adapted to this change boldly, courageously and went on to become one of the greatest dancers this world has. Children could not believe that she was dancing so perfectly with an artificial leg. 

The following story was then narrated - 

A little kid used to go to a candy shop every Sunday with his father. The shop owner used to offer him to take out as many candies as he wants from the box. Each time the kid used to thank the shopkeeper and refused to take any candy. Every time the shop owner used to draw out candies himself and give it to the kid filling both his tiny hands (actually the kid was really smart and knew that the shopkeeper’s hands are big and he would take out more toffees each time from the box).

They were then told that when we try and take what we want from the box, we can take limited things. But when God gives us, it will always be more than what we can take. All new situations and changes are God sent, it will only help us pick up more. Lalitha ji related this to their own example. When children are asked to distribute biscuits themselves, then some may take more and some might get less. But when she gives them to all, every child gets biscuits to their satisfaction. Therefore, having patience and belief while sailing through change will make us all happy.

They were were then asked to write down at least one thing that they would like to change about themselves or their environment. They were requested to imbibe this change for the next one week until the next session. 

"I will not spend much time in taking a bath. I will also
not hit any child and I will write my exams well.  And I
will not tease any child."

"Until next week, I will not speak
while eating and I will listen obediently
to my teacher. I promise that I will
not abuse and fight."

"I will read at least one page of book every day because I
want to improve my reading."

The following lines were then narrated to the children, very beautifully conceptualized by fellow skills for life trainers, Abhishek and Chhavi:

"Kathin hai badlaav ka safar,

Karenge sweekaar use magar.

Naa manenge haar, naa chodenge kasar,

Kyunki yahi hota hai ek naya avsar."

(The journey of change is difficult but we shall accept it. We will not accept defeat and will try with all our will. Because, this is a new opportunity.)

Children were encouraged to repeat these lines after me. They spoke it with confidence and smiled and beamed with faith. 

End of the session

As I was about to play songs and the children were about to write notes for the box of happiness, we were informed that the weather was getting bad and it was about to rain. Lalitha ji suggested that I start to leave, lest I get stuck in the heavy rain. So I bid bye to the children while asking them of what all they would like me to do in the next session. As always, they had some very vibrant and powerful ideas. 

That day, as I was walking back to the metro station, I was smiling, remembering the time I had just spent at this beautiful place with the beautiful people. I also laughed remembering how skeptical I was in the beginning about my ability to take these sessions, about doing complete justice to the faith Kanu Ma'am and Laitha ji had reposed on me. But now, how things had changed! I have found a home here. That universe does sends us strong signals of hope. I thought - if such happiness and hope can exist in one of the darkest places in the world shunned as inhabitable and impure, then there is nothing in this world that is impossible. Words from Harry Potter flashed in my mind - Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.

Indeed, there is someone, somewhere in every corner of this world, switching on that light of hope and happiness for us. We just need to keep believing and keep walking forward.

Yes, I am changing, with each subsequent session; I am becoming a better human being. After all, building strong perceptions or beliefs needn't be an essential part of growing older! For once, be open to change, embrace it with all your heart and experience the magic happening inside you! I hope to learn and change for good, every moment of my life.

Until next time,

Keep Embracing Change! :-)

P.S. The next time you say anything derogatory against these children or their mothers, think twice. These children are same as our children. In fact, most of them seem to have better values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing this session. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. :-)

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.

Read More

Write Your Own Story!

No, this is not a movie review. While I am in the midst of working on a dream project and also accountable to myself to write at least two planned blog posts this week, I am sitting on my desk at around 7.30 pm on a Saturday evening and writing this 'unplanned' post. Some write-ups are driven by soul after all!

Today, as I woke up at around 10 in the morning, I received a message from BookMyShow (sent by my father) that I have been invited to watch the movie, Manjhi: The Mountain Man. This was no surprise to me because my father remembers and takes care of every small thing related to me. My father knew how much I had been eagerly waiting for this movie since the day I told about this Mountain Man to some children in a session on Goal Setting (Skills for Life Session 2 - Goal Setting).  However, today, my first thought was - 'How in the world am I going to find time for this!' Little did I know then that I will regret this thought later in the day.

Going to the movies is like a ritual for my father and me. We both are big big fans of watching movies, be it at the theater or at home. However, my mother and sister do not enjoy the same. So it naturally fell upon the two of us to be each other's best company. Over the years, this has turned out to be my most awaited and cherished ritual for me. But today since my father fell ill, my mother and I went to watch the movie together. So, whenever my father or I are not able to go for the movie together (due to unforeseen situations), my mother kindly bestows her kind company upon us. We are a family after all.

Let me come back to the movie now. For people who do not know about this magnanimous hearted man named Dashrath Manjhi, let me try and throw some light in brief. Dashrath, hailing from a  small village of Gehlaur in the state of Bihar in India, spent twenty years carving a road through a mountain. Yes, a road, through a mountain, alone. His motivation - the death of his wife while trying to tread on this treacherous mountain. People called him insane and what not, but he kept believing and treaded on this insurmountable journey with conviction and strong will. Indeed, love gives us strength, courage, and meaning in life.

It needs to be strongly mentioned here that this was a huge mountain which people had to cross or travel around on foot to reach the nearest town of Wazirganj to access medical care and other facilities.  The State and many other agencies had given up on this task because of the difficult terrain of this mountain. Dashrath, however, was determined to make way through this mountain so that no other person has to die like his wife did. So, this story in a way also presents a perfect example of how a personal battle based on love, determination and courage, turns around the universe, the world and the society, for good; the only condition - STAY MAD.

I do not want to delve into the details of the movie and how it treads into perilous zones of untouchability, caste system, politics, and greed. And how Dashrath Manjhi in spite of all of this, does not give up! I want to just share with you my takeaway from this movie.

We all like to believe that we cannot change our destiny, it is all written. May be, this is because, having this belief comforts us, it lets us be, it is easy. However, from what I have gathered in the past twenty four years of my existence is that - we have to write our own story. Therefore, I do not believe much in what is called 'fate' or 'destiny'. This movie only reinforces my faith in this thought when Dashrath humbly mentions - Bhagwan bharose mat baitho, kya pata Bhagwan hamare bharose baithe hon (Do not leave your destiny in the hands of God, may be God has left your destiny in your own hands).

Now this is something powerful! The universe blesses us only when the power of the universe inside us unleashes to its fullest potential. If Manjhi would have believed that if it is destined, the road will be made; I am sure we won't be writing about him today! 

I carry a long-term vision in my heart and soul - to substantially bring down the number of people in slavery worldwide. One day, I believe that slavery will be gone. You may think that I am joking around or that I have completely lost sense of what reality holds on ground, but let me tell you that I have not. 

A vision may seem impossible to us. But how do we know the possibility or the impossibility of realising that vision until we reach a point in life where we do not see a way forward? So, I like to personally believe that nothing is impossible, for there will always be a way as long as we keep believing in us, truly and completely. And when there seems to be a dead end, there will definitely be something to show us some light and therefore help us in walking forward. After all, when we honestly unleash the power of the universe that lies inside us, the universe outside, blesses us with all its mightiness and love.

Throughout this beautiful life and even beyond, the journey is ours, the battle is with our inner self, and the results will also be ours. Then, why do situations and people matter so much to us throughout our lives! Leave all inhibitions and the assumed hurdles, unleash from all your shackles and fly, for the journey is yours and yours alone.

For once, start writing your own story, for it will be the one that is unheard of, the one that will leave a strong legacy behind you, and the one that truly will mark your permanent impression on this Universe! Whatever we require to write our story, lies within us. 

I have started to write my own story a few years ago and it has been pretty enthralling until now. And I am sure that it will get better as I progress through life. 

So, would you like to write your own story? :-)

P.S. Thank you Dashrath Manjhi for being a fellow story writer. You have not just lived your life well, but you have also given meaning to many many lives around the world, including mine.

Read More

Power of Humanity - Final Word On Pakistan: Humans of New York

Picture Courtesy: Humans of New York

The recent photo series by Humans of New York on bonded labor in Pakistan, has laid a very powerful example of how humanity transcends borders of religion, nationality or any faith. For one more time, I have been made to strengthen my belief in the power of humanity and in the goodness that is worth fighting for, each moment of my existence on this planet.

It is indeed true that the reality is not just the scary stories exposing slavery, the REALITY is also THIS.

Hope and faith in initiatives like this. 

Hope and faith in the power of goodness, that goodness which is worth fighting for.

Hope and faith in the smiles of millions of children.

Hope and faith in the power of this universe to grant freedom to all!

People not affected by slavery + People in slavery > People who promote slavery.

It is a clear WIN for us, only if we choose to believe!:-)

#OneDay #NoSlavery #Hope #Faith #Smiles #Happiness #FREEDOM

Read More

Skills for Life Session 3 - Dealing With Failures

Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the third, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills sessions at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

I was a bit skeptical about taking this session. This is because the children were so enthused after the previous session on goal setting that I had fears about telling them or making them realise that there will be hurdles in realising the dreams, that they are so passionate about. Therefore, I wanted with all my heart that after this session, children do not fear hurdles or failures, but instead embrace them and face them heads on.

Before the Session

As I entered the warm and lovely premises of the SPID - SMS Centre, children started to gather around and greet me. Oh the excitement and happiness on their faces! We started to chat casually while setting collateral for the session, when one little cute girl Mrinal, held my hands, took me outside the room, and showed me a picture of Kalam Sir. While holding my hands tight, she explained, "Didi, aapne pichli baar inke baare me bataya tha na, usi din shaam ko humein pata chala ki voh nahin rahe. Par hum ne newspaper me se yeh photo cut kar ke wall pe laga li hai. Hum ne prayer bhi ki thi" (Didi, in the previous session, you told us about Kalam Sir and then in the evening on the same day we heard in the news that he passed away. We have cut his picture from the newspaper and put it here on the wall. We also prayed that day for his soul).

I could only smile as they gathered around me and we all held our hands in unison. We then went back inside the room. 

Start of the session

We started with discussing about having self-belief to realise our dreams. Children remembered most of the things from the previous sessions, which set a good base for this one. The discussion was then taken forward by asking them if they have faced or are likely to face any hurdles in realising their dreams. Some children remarked profusely that sometimes they find it hard to study and keep up the motivation, if they do not score good marks. 

Efforts were made to trigger a thought that many people blame their situations or circumstances when faced with failure. Some children nodded and added that this was true since when they have faced hurdles in the past, their first reaction was to frown or blame the situations around them.

The following story was then narrated to the group.

It was one of the biggest eye-opening moments for me. I was walking with one friend of mine in a warm April evening. Besides the road we saw a small boy sitting on the footpath like a lifeless object staring blank on the road in front of him. Actually he was a papadwala with the stack of papads kept beside him. We felt something suspecious, so we approached him and tried to strike a conversation with him. I asked him to sell us the papad. First he did not say anything, then when we asked him again then he simply refused that he has no papad. Whereas we could clearly see that he had papad in his stack.

We then sat down with him and politely asked him what had happened and why is he refusing to sell us papad.He came to tears and in a choked voice he told us that his name was Vijay and  earlier in the day he slipped while crossing the road and all his papad fell and got broken.Vijay was then sitting on the footpath from last half-an-hour and waiting for the next bus to arrive so that he can jump in front of it and commit suicide because his father would beat him badly as he earned nothing for the day. Luckily it was a route where very few buses came. Then we asked him his address which he could not describe to us apart from the bus number. Then we bought all the broken papad from Vijay which cost us Rs.40.

After listening to the story with curiosity, the children were silent. Lalitha ji asked them if what Vijay was thinking of doing (a suicide) was right. Children were then told that no failure is too big to be able to end a life. Life is above all failures. They should be happy about the fact that they go to school, eat food, and sleep safely, while many children do not have this privilege.

Children nodded with faith.

A video showing the poem, 'Koshish karne walon ki kabhi haar nahin hoti', (those who try, never fail) (Video), written by Late Harivansh Rai Bachchan and recited by his son Amitabh Bachchan, was played.  

The children were then told Amitabh Bachchan's story as to how he was rejected multiple times from a radio station (citing his heavy voice) and acting (citing his height), but now he is best known for all these traits and is the super star of Bollywood. Children then shared some of their experiences of trying and then winning, instead of giving up in simple things like - learning mathematics, getting good grades, getting into another class, etc.

They could relate to the words of the video and they themselves explained about the lessons imparted in the video, especially the fact as to how an ant does not give up even after falling multiple times while trying to climb the wall and then it eventually wins. This seemed to be the favorite part until the end of the class.

The video of the Prince Dance Group (Video) was then played. One child who also aspires to become a dancer had tears in his eyes with passion gleaming bright. Then they were told the story of this dance group. Some children were left awestruck and they asked many questions.

Krishna Reddy was born in Behrampur. One of his elder brothers loved dancing, so he learnt dance by observing his brother. His brother started a dance group and Krishna became a part of it. They used to perform in local village, city events. Krishna used to perform solo on stage with the name ‘Prince’. 
After completing class 12th Krishna started his own dance group called ‘Prince Dance Group’. But the question now was where he would find members? So he simply started going house to house, looking for students to teach. He found 8 students who signed up for Rs.100 per month. In two years he was teaching 20 kids. But Krishna wasn’t happy as the kids weren’t totally serious about dancing. So he left teaching kids and started looking for people with passion for dance. 
Krishna travelled 30-40kms from Behrampur, looking for youngsters with a passion for dance. He stuck a rapport with a completely different set of people. He started teaching a group of mazdoors i.e. daily wage labours. The mazdoors readily agreed when Krishna approached them to teach dance. So these workers used to gather around a Kali Mandir at night and dance till 2 or 3 in the morning everyday. These were excellent students. They knew nothing about dance so they used to agree to anything that Krishna used to teach. They started doing small shows. These mazdoors used to dance with the hope of a better future.

Everyone used to ridicule Krishna, but he knew that whatever he was doing was out of his passion which would bear fruits some day.In 2006 Krishna decided to try his luck at ‘Boogi Woogie’. They travelled to Mumbai. With little money somehow they managed to reach the boogie woogie office but they had no place to stay. And the rooms available were very expensive. With heavy heart Krishna decided to used all their savings to stay at Rs.8,000 a day accomodation for the entire group of 16 workers. They did not win the competition but judge Javed Jaffery was so impressed by their performance that he gave them a consolation prize of Rs.75,000 in cash. And the exposure at Boogie Woogie started getting them small stage shows as well. The earning was slow and people left and joined the group from time to time but Krishna continued to make efforts. 
In 2009 a show called India’s Got talent got launched with prize money of Rs.50 lakhs. Krishna decided to participate in the show with his team. He visualised a nes kind of dance, never seen before, a dance which was not about individuals but the whole coming together to become greater than its parts. When they performed for the first time judge Shekhar Kapur said ‘Your act proves that to be an artist, you don’t need resources, you don’t need professional training’. With great effort put in everyday, Krishna Dance group won the contest against all odds.Krishna gave the prize Maruti Ritz car to the village of Ambodpur, where they used to practice, to be used by the community as an emergency vehicle. Of the 50 lakh prize, he helped the families of the mazdoors that were part of his group and also renovate the Kali Mandir where they once used to practice dance. 
Sony Music has signed a two year contract with the group and takes care of their stage shows now. With the announcement of prize money of 1 crore and four acres of land by the Orissa Government, Krishna is building up a dance academy where he will teach hundreds of villages kids in future.

"My friends say that I cannot dance.
My mother used to daily tell me that
there is no purpose in sending me to school
as I cannot study. My family says that I
can never fulfill my dream of becoming
a scientist."

"My brothers used to tell me that I cannot
dance but I will show them that I can
become a dancer. My friends say that I
cannot do swimming because I fear water;
I will prove them wrong."

Children were then given plain sheets of paper and they were asked to write down things that they think they cannot do or other people think they cannot do. After writing them down, they were told to share what they had written, only if they wanted to. Some children shared with a bit of hesitation. Among the many things they shared, there were things that their family or friends or outsiders had told them that they cannot achieve like, their dreams, etc.

Pieces of papers representing things children cannot do -
THROWN AWAY with confidence! :-)

 They were then asked to tear this piece of paper to smallest of pieces and throw them away. Children had so much aggression while doing so as if they were finally getting a space to vent out their anger. They then remarked, "Didi, aap ise jala dena, aap ise kahin door fenk dena jisse yeh hamare paas na pahunch sakein" (Didi, burn these, throw them very far away so that these do not reach us back). One girl said, "le bhaiya aaj tu ja" (brother, go away). She had written down things that her brother tells her she cannot do.

Children were in so much aggression that it seemed the right time to turn this aggression into the highest possible positive energy and passion. They were asked the following,

Do we believe in ourselves? They shouted Yes.

Can we achieve our dreams? They shouted Yes.

Is there anything we cannot do? They shouted No.

Lastly, a video of Kalam Sir (Video) was played, showing his initial failure at the space station in India but eventually winning the battle through self-belief and consistent hard work. Kalam Sir is their Hero now!!

End of the session

"I want to do an activity which
involves painting. Can you bring
such an activity next time?"

As the session ended, children seemed elated as if they had conquered all their fears. Songs from the movie Iqbal and many other movies were played, as they started to fill the box of happiness.

"I am awesome because I believe in
myself." (ripples of impact from
the previous sessions)

I started talking to Laitha ji about what she feels about these sessions. She told me that she will give her feedback. For now she feels, that some children have started to speak up, who otherwise do not speak in the class. She then discussed some issues the centre has been facing. As I started to empathise with her, she said - "But then I feel that if there are no issues, how will I remain active, how will I keep going, where will I get that positive energy to keep going". I left the centre with the strongest faith in the life lesson I had just imparted to the children - we will always have the required motivation even in the darkest of times, only if we are mad enough for our dreams.

Indeed, we all learn at this beautiful place. It is my home now, as Lalitha ji and the entire staff has led me to genuinely believe.

I left that day with something, which kept me on my toes for the entire week; of course, after drinking the Lemon juice.

Until next time,
Keep Conquering your Fears! :-)

P.S. The next time you say anything derogatory against these children or their mothers, think twice. These children are same as our children. In fact, most of them seem to have better values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing this session. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. :-)

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.

Read More

On India's 69th Independence Day - A Vow For Empathy

Independence Day is a day of great pride for all of us. This is because it reminds us of not only the struggle and sacrifice due to which we are able to live this day; but also of the resilience, patience, strength, courage, and patriotic spirit of thousands of great freedom fighters. They lived their life meaningfully and with empathy, so that we can live in peace today.

However, as I turn 24 this Independence Day, I am forced to think as to what meaning and value of 'freedom' I am leaving for the generations to come. Will they value our independence the way I do today? Will they have that adrenaline rush and that feeling of pride and patriotism on seeing the Indian Flag being hoisted at the Red Fort? I am not sure.

All of us are human beings. By nature, we have been gifted with the power to love, have compassion for fellow beings, and to empathise. Now empathy is the most revolutionary emotion. Why? This is because it pushes us TO ACT, to set things right which are wrong, and to make this world a more habitable and peaceful place. 

One fine day, I was traveling in a bus. The bus stopped at the traffic light. Some children were trying to sell books, among many other things. A man sitting besides me remarked sadly, "I feel so sad for these children. They are so poor, they cannot go to school, and they have to sell books at a  traffic light to make a living." Pause.

Another fine day, I was traveling by the same bus and again, there were children selling many things at the traffic light. A woman sitting besides me asked a boy selling novels, "Do you like to read and write?" The young boy smiled and said, "Yes, I do." The woman then took out a pen, a notebook, and some eatables and gave it to that boy. These few things might not change the life of that young boy completely and will also not set him 'free'. But it does contribute towards something bigger; every act of empathetic kindness adds to the bigger pool of freedom in this universe.

The point to note here is that the man in the former incident sympathised and therefore he did not act. In the latter incident, the lady empathised and therefore she did act. When we are able to empathise, we are inclined to act. Bit by bit, through small acts like these, we can make this world a better place, a place where every person can be truly 'free'. Far too ambitious? I don't think so.

How much of an effort and resources will it take on our part? Almost nothing. My sister keeps packets of Parle-G biscuits in her bag always. She gives them to children on the streets while she is traveling to work. This is her way of doing her bit for this world. A friend of mine keeps pencils in his bag and gives them to children in need. This is his way of doing his bit. I keep thank you notes in my wallet and give them to people to express gratitude for their services; rickshaw driver, fruit seller, restaurant waiter etc. (To see the magnanimous effect of these small acts, visit A Thank You Note). All these acts definitely do not make a hole in our pockets. They also do not involve any effort on our part because we can do these little things while we carry on with our lives. 

A thought, an effort, some love, and some bit of kindness, might not mean a lot to us, but they definitely do mean the world to the recipient of these acts. And from personal experience, I can assure you that these acts benefit me more - I receive genuine smiles, blessings, and wishes in return. Now who wouldn't want that?

Can we set an example of the
'power of empathy' for this world? :-)

These are just a few real examples. I am sure there are as many ways to contribute, as there are people on this planet. So can we do this? Can we start to empathise and not sympathise? Can we do our bit for humanity? I am sure, we can. Who knows, one day, India becomes an example of the 'power of empathy' and eventual sustainable freedom for the world! It is our time now to live our lives meaningfully, so that the future generations can feel the same pride and patriotism as we feel today on the 69th Independence Day of our country.

I sincerely express my gratitude and wishes to every bit and every person that makes India. I have always been and continue to be an admirer of this great country. I feel free and blessed.

I just hope that everybody in this country and in the world at large can feel the same one day. I hope that everybody can be truly free - children can be free to live their childhood, and everybody can be free from all kinds of violence. I dream of a sustainable free world for every person. 

However, I cannot do this alone. All of us need to do our bit and we can do that only when we empathise. So, let us take a vow this Independence Day, to take up at least one act of empathetic kindness and try to sustain it for as long as we can. This will ensure 'freedom for all'.

Happy Empathetic Independence Day!

:-)

Read More

To The Salon With My Grand Mother (Maa)

My Grand Mother and Me

There is always at least one person in our lives with whom we seem to have a connection beyond eternity (as they say!). In my life, that person is my Grand Mother. I call her Maa, since always. We seem to be together, since always, and I am sure we will be together, always. A lot of 'always'!

My grand parents live in Aligarh, our home town. We live in Delhi. All our lives, we have been shifting places because my father is in a transferable job. And therefore, I never got to stay with my grand parents. But now, that is going to change. They are soon going to shift to Delhi with all of us, the thought of which makes me jump with happiness; even though, no amount of distance actually matters in our relationship. Since the first time the Doctor gave me in Maa's hands, our bond continues to be the same. We write letters, we talk endlessly on calls, and we meet as often as we can. 

I will definitely write more about her in the future blog posts. After all, she is my best friend and guide. However, this post is about a very beautiful experience with her. All experiences are magical with her, but this one demands to be written about now.

Since the past few times, whenever Maa visits us in Delhi, she goes to the salon with me. She had long black hair. However, after breast cancer, her hair refuse to grow longer. They only manage to touch her shoulder now. She likes to cut them a bit shorter, so that they do not touch her back. Otherwise, they prick in the hot summer.

Maa does not like to go to the salon in Aligarh because of the attitude of the people towards older people going to the salon. They can not appreciate her reasons; I do not understand their attitude. Maa has always been a revolutionary, someone who does not follow the customs of the world, until she is convinced of the logic behind them. I so admire her for this! She is indeed a true revolutionary. No wonder I have it in my genes! We go the salon here in Delhi because she feels assured and care free with me. It is a wonderful ritual now. I still remember the first time we visited the salon together. The young Ladies there were staring. I stared back in anger. She didn't bother, of course. 

Today, we planned to visit the salon at around 11:30 in the morning. It is around 1.5 kms from our home. I insisted that we go in a vehicle. She refused. She wanted to walk. I was a bit worried. But then we walked. All the way, I kept asking her if she is tired and needs a vehicle. And then, I felt stupid. It was such a stupid question from a Lady who can never get tired of life! She responded. "If I do not try, how will I know how far I can walk? I need to push my limits and remain active. If I believe, I can." I obliged. We reached there. The Lady at the salon welcomed her with a smile as this was not the first time we were visiting. Maa seems to establish a family like relationship with everyone she meets. I can never know how!

As she started to cut Maa's hair, I took out a comb from my bag and gave it to the saloon Lady. Maa won't let them use their comb to cut her hair, no matter how good the salon is. As her hair were being cut, she looked in the mirror. I stood behind her chair as she feels assured when I oversee the entire ritual. She says in between, "Pankhu, see if the length is okay now." I nod and give her reassuring looks. The salon Lady smiles.

Today, as I looked at Maa in the mirror, I could not help but feel with a heavy heart that - one day, I will not be able to live these moments. I swiftly tried to change my thoughts, because it is impossible for me to imagine this world without her. 

The hair cut ritual got over. The Lady asked her to check if it is okay. She never checks on her own. Maa always asks with assurance, "Pankhu, it is okay no?" I say with a smile, "Yes, it is perfect." As I stood besides Maa, the lady asked her about her health and they continued to talk for a while. Maa then asked her for the money we needed to pay. The Lady asked for Rs 130. Maa replied gently, "Last time you took Rs 95." She smiled and said, "Okay give Rs 110." I was about to intervene and say to Maa that may be, since the past two months, they increased the prices. But I remained silent. It was fun to see her dealing for money even at a salon! Only Maa can do this. Maa looked in her purse and gave her the money. The Lady then offered her to sit for some more time and then go. Maa politely replied, "Thank you, but we need to leave now. My daughter-in-law must be waiting for us to have lunch together." So we started to leave.

As we started to walk back home, I asked Maa if we should take a vehicle now. As expected, she refused. She held my hand and ensured that we cross the road safely. I realised - some things can never change. I will never grow up for her. As I grew older, I always imagined me holding her hand while we cross a road, but it will always be the other way round. We then reached back home chatting, and learning, of course.

I am sharing this anecdote to trigger two thoughts:

1. Why does age have to decide how we wish to be, how we wish to look, how we wish to live!? I am sure I will always like to live the way I want, the way I want to look, and not what this world expects of me.

2. We can never grow old for our parents and our grand parents. They continue to live every moment for us. Then why do they sometimes start to become an obligation for us?

I find my heaven and my home with my parents and my grand parents. I feel safe. I feel assured. Life seems easy.

I hope that we all can cherish this blessing in our lives.

With lots of love from Maa and Me,
Never get old at heart! :-)

Read More

Through The Magical Lens!

Photography seemed a luxury to me, something that could also be pursued through a phone camera, something which was not really required. After all, I had always tried to hide from the camera; I never liked being clicked. Therefore, I never viewed it as an art until one fine day, my soul fell for the DSLR. That day, the first thought that came to my mind was - "I am really lucky. I seem to have found two callings in one life - Fighting against Human Trafficking and Capturing Emotions and Stories through Photography!"

If fighting against human trafficking is my soul, then photography is the heart which keeps the soul alive.

I want to thank my friend Claire, for introducing me to photography, for letting me use her DSLR even when I did not know a bit about it, and for being after my life to buy one; she even tried to gift me one! Thank God, she didn't. But she did gift an amazing book which satisfied my thirst for the DSLR (until I bought one), and which continues to teach me. Thank you Claire. If you would have not seen 'an eye for the lens' in me, I would have never known that it was going to be the most beautiful part of my life.

Once I bought the DSLR, there was no stopping. Hardik (one of the best Photographers this world has), introduced me to the plethora of things that this magical lens could do. Being a fan of his photography page (Hardik Photography), I had already started to see the world through the lens. His photographs taught me that photography is a powerful medium to express emotions and feelings, to tell stories that need to be told, and to raise awareness on issues that demand attention. And indeed, it is. We can turn the world around with this magical lens; for the good, of course!

From here, my desire to express what my soul saw, got its wings. I aspire to capture all the untold stories and emotions that this world has to offer. I also hope to capture and feel some emotions, which I have not felt before (not sure why). Besides, I intend to use this as a medium to encourage powerful and meaningful discussions around issues that demand attention; all through the soul - ken-sho.

This section of the blog is dedicated to sharing the impressions of the heart, the musings of the soul, and the fulfilling experiences of travelling; all through the magical lens!

:-)

Image Copyright: Pankhuri             Location: Hauz Khas Village, Delhi, India            Taken on: April 28, 2015
Stop.Look.Observe.
"This world looks more magical when we appreciate the beauty around us. 
And we can do that only when we stop and have a little faith; 
weather it is in a dry desert or a dangerous sea."

Read More

Deeply Ashamed

The recent ban on pornographic websites has attracted nationwide attention, citing a violation of personal liberty.

Every moment, millions around the world are deprived of this very same right to liberty and dignity in the form of human trafficking (some of whom are trafficked for pornography as well); they are deprived of sexual, physical, emotional, all kinds of liberties!! THEY HAVE TO SELL THEIR SOULS FOR OUR LIBERTY!

But it never attracts anybody's attention. Nobody uses their voice for the voiceless; no status updates, no discussions, no articles, nothing at all!!!! WE KEEP SILENT ALWAYS!

‪#‎deeply‬ ‪#‎ashamed‬

"Day in and day out, toiling hard,

To sell my soul.

Not did one voice come

That could save my soul.

I kept selling them my liberty

While they fought for their own liberty!"

Sad world. Sad we. Sad humanity.

Read More

Skills for Life Session 2 - Goal Setting

Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the second, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills session at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

Before sharing the experience of this session, I would like to share some experiences of preparing for this session. While preparing for these sessions is no less than a combination of excitement, nervousness and a firm belief to make an impact, I have also started to realise that these sessions empower me. I feel more confident and empowered.

In the previous session, children had asked me to bring some songs so that they can dance as well during the session. I guess they requested for this since I am not a very fun person :D Anyways, so I was looking for songs that I can take for them. I had the hardest time searching for songs that I thought were decent to play in front of them, although I knew that they had listened to all kinds of songs like all children do these days. Finally, I could find only three songs. Still wondering what we are leaving behind for our future generations!

Before the session

As I entered the premises of the warm and lovely SPID - SMS Centre at around 2:45 pm, Lalitha ji welcomed me with a  lovely smile. I felt at home. All the apprehensions that I had while coming to this place for the previous session, had magically disappeared. I sat with her for some time as the children were in a class. She had a bunch of school uniforms on her lap and she was stitching them. She told me that it doesn't look good that children wear torn uniforms to school. I could remember my own parents doing this for me. My mother always wanted to ensure that I look the best dressed in school, uniform properly ironed and stitched, if torn. My father ensured that my shoes were polished and they shine. He felt very proud in doing this for me every day until I finally passed out of school, in spite of my repeated attempts at telling him that I can do the same. Suddenly, it stuck me that Lalitha ji was doing a far more noble job here. She was not their parent. Still I could see the same love and care in her eyes as my parents have for me. 

I also keenly looked at the paintings that some students studying architecture had recently done on the walls of this place. It was their contribution. The place was looking lovely and colorful. This strengthened my belief that if we really wish to contribute, we can and will always find ways to do our bit with whatever we have. We just need to believe and take the first step. 

As I entered the room, Rasika came and said, "Didi hum toh wait kar rahe the ki next week kab ayega aur hum aapse milenge" (Didi, we were waiting when the next week will come and we will meet you again). Surabhi jumped in and said, "Didi ab aap daily har week is din aaoge na?" (Didi, now you will come every week same day no?). I could only smile in reply, trying to hold back my emotions of gratitude for the love that these children shower on me. This would not have been surprising if we remain connected to our true essence and nature. Human-beings are made to love and have compassion. However, some of us seem to lose that as we grow up.

Start of the session

We started the session with recollecting whatever we had done in the previous session. I didn't had to say much, the children remembered most of it - if we have self-belief, we can achieve our dreams, we are awesome, we have to be our own Jamvant and so on. (For information on session 1, visit - Session 1 - Self-Worth)

I had prepared for this session with the objective that I have to make sure that when I leave that room after the session, I leave behind dreamers who have a solid faith in achieving their dreams, in defending their dreams and the resolute belief that no dream is too big or impossible.

However, I didn't have to work too hard on ensuring this. On the other hand, they made me realise that I need to unlearn a lot about them. You will come to resonate with what I am saying as we proceed through the session.

Activity 1: Find your way through the maze

The maze activity sheet

The session started with giving them the maze activity printouts. They had to work out their way through the maze to reach the treasure. As I started explaining, children seemed excited with the idea of this activity. All of them could not wait to get started as I distributed the sheets. Some younger children had problems in finding their way through the maze. However, eventually all of them found the way. Then they were asked as to how they did this activity. Some worked backwards from the treasure to draw the path. Then they were asked if they would have been able to find their way if they did not know where the treasure is. Efforts were made to discuss their dreams and relate it to this activity. Some children could realise that if we would have not know where our treasure is, we would not have been able to reach there. Similarly, if we do not know what our dream is, then we will be lost.

In this activity, I think that I could have started by telling them that if one way doesn't work out, we need to look for multiple other ways and keep trying. 

At the end of this activity, one child remarked that everybody found the same way. To this Lalitha ji joyously told them, "Bharose ka toh ek hi raasta hota hai" (There is only one way to self-belief). 

Then the video of Dr APJ Abdul Kalam was played (Abdul Kalam - School Topper Video), showing his life as a child; how through his strong will power and determination he achieved the best in his class, in spite of all odds pertaining to financial situations at home and the low self-belief that he had faced at the hands of some of his teachers. He did not lose belief in himself in the face of adversities. Little did I know then that when I get back home that day, I will hear the sad news of his demise (A tribute to Kalam Sir - Dear Kalam Sir - A Tribute).

After this video, children started sharing that when they get good marks, their parents congratulate them and distribute sweets. They could relate well to the video. This also gave a boost to their belief in education and above that, in strong determination and hard work.

Before the start of the next activity, some songs were played and all the children started dancing. Some even made the non-dancer me dance with them. Oh the feeling of dancing as if no one is watching!

Activity 2: Visualise your future 

Children were asked to close their eyes, listen to what was being said and imagine. They were told that they will be imagining a day in their future.They can imagine anything. Emphasis was laid to live through each detail of what was being said.

Here is what was told to them in Hindi as they closed their eyes,

"Let us close our eyes, remain quiet and picture a scene in the future"

PAUSE

"Now you will imagine your life as you would like it to be 10 years from now when you are grown up and out of school"

PAUSE

"Now it is morning and you have just awakened. What do you see?

PAUSE

"Now you go to your closet to get dressed. What do you see in your closet? What do you choose to wear to work today?

PAUSE

Now you are eating breakfast. What do you see?

PAUSE

You are now ready to leave for work. Where do you go? How do you get there?

PAUSE

Who do you see in your workplace? What are they doing?

PAUSE

What are your feelings about the work you are doing?

PAUSE

It is now lunchtime. What are you doing? How long do you take for lunch?

PAUSE

You are now at work and it is close to the end of the day. What are you doing? What time is it?

PAUSE

Where are you going now that work is finished? How do you feel about the day?

PAUSE

Now let's take a few minutes to review the day. What were your most important thoughts and ideas during this dream?

Post this, children were asked questions on what they imagined, why they imagined so and does it relate with their current dreams and goals in life.

Some of the children shared their imaginations, the brief of which is here.

Sunita - I saw that I woke up, went to open my almirah and took a jeans and a shirt. I ate bread and butter for breakfast and then I went to the hospital for work on a scooter. There I talked to my nurses, attended the patients, ate lunch and came back happily on my scooter. 

Rakesh - I imagined that I woke up, wore my clothes and hurried to the airport for Dubai in a car. I checked into a hotel, rested and then went to play the match. I was representing India and we won. Then I came back to the hotel and slept.

Monica - I woke up, went to my almirah, took out my police uniform and got ready. I had parantha and juice for breakfast. Then I left in my police car for the police station. I was working on a case to catch the thieves. I eventually did. Then I returned to the police station, had lunch and took down some complaints. Then I worked until night on the complaints I had received, post which I returned back home.

This is just the brief. When I was hearing it from them, I could not stop admiring them. And they didn't stop smiling even for a second. :-)

I could clearly sense that the children were all enthusiastic with dreams sparkling in their eyes, they could visualise their future and were energised to chase their dreams. The video from the movie Iqbal (Iqbal - Aashayein) gave a strong boost to these emotions. The video shows the journey of a boy who dreams to be a cricketer but he cannot listen or speak. Despite this fact, he works hard and achieves his dream.

One of the child who wants to be a cricketer from the group had big open eyes with spark and dreams of flying high. Post this video, we had a small discussion on what they saw in the video. Again, I didn't had to work hard to tell them anything. They could see it all. Probably, this is because they perceive the world not through their eyes, but through their soul. Therefore, nothing seems impossible to them.

Activity 3: Wish List

"I want to be a scientist when I grow up. After
being educated at a university, I want to go to the
planet Mars. I also want to dance with Hrithik
Roshan for once.I want to see the entire world
and build a  robot. I want to be famous, besides
building a car as well".

Children were told about Shahrukh Khan and how he had a wish list of all that he wanted to achieve and now he has achieved them all. Similarly, they were asked to create their wish list. Lalitha ji added that they can write as many things in their list as they wish to, no dream is too big.

"I want to be in the police, learn English, and be a 
good girl. I want to buy a frock and learn dance too".

Children were eager to show their wish list and they wanted me to read it. Some of them had written that they wanted to be like someone else famous in their field of interest. I tried to trigger a thought in their minds that they won't be unique if they are like someone else. They will be unique if they aspire to be like themselves, and no one else. We can get inspiration from other people, but we need to aspire to be just ourselves if we wish to do all that we want to. Some elder children were able to understand this. 

"I want to be a dancer and a model. I want to have my 
own dance show as well. I want to teach dance to 
everyone.  I have full faith in my ability to be the best 
dancer in this  world. My elder brother could not 
achieve his dream. Therefore, he wants me to 
achieve mine. I will fulfill his dream". 

I could see how our education and conditioning is not enough to inculcate in us the belief to be just us. At the end of this activity, I told them to keep their wish lists with them so that they are reminded of all that they wish to do. 

The Dashrath Manjhi video (Dashrath Manjhi - The Man who Moved the Mountain) was shown. It is about a person who takes up the task of making way through a big mountain so that the villagers don't have to go around the 70 km mountain to collect water. He made this way through hard labour by cutting the mountain to build a road. This reduced the distance to 7 kms. This left the children baffled. A movie named Manjhi is going to be released on this soon. A perfect end to the session.

End of the session

As I mentioned in the beginning, I need to unlearn a lot about these children. In some of them, I could see a glimpse of me. They are the most confident bunch I have ever come across.

In the end, I asked them if we believe in our dreams. They shouted yes. Then I asked them if we will be able to achieve our dreams. They shouted yes. Then I asked if we are willing to work hard for it. They shouted yes. 

"I liked to write about myself today".

By now, some children had already started to write on chits of paper for the box of happiness. They could not wait. Some children who had lost their papers from the last activity regarding 'main kamaal hun', came with a  paper to me and asked me to write 'Main kamaal hun' on that so that they can write it again and keep it with them like other children.

"I like you Didi. You have let
all of us to believe in ourselves
today. Thank you Didi".

Songs were played in the background as we continued discussing, children were writing notes for the happiness box and yet again Lalitha ji gave me the tasty Litchi juice. I am forever indebted to her and the children for giving me immense love and care.

For this session, I especially thank Lalitha ji because she ensured that the children relate the previous session on self-worth to this one on goal setting. 

In between this session too, the mother of a child came to ensure that she was okay; the other asked her child if she need an umbrella. They are mothers before being a sex worker. They are like our mothers, full of love and care. They want the best for their children as well. Therefore I urge you all once again, 

Do not say or think anything derogatory against these children or their mothers. These children are same as our children. These women are same as our mothers. In fact, most of them seem to have done a better job in bringing up their children in terms of instilling values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

Because if we respect them today, may be some years down the line, I might be able to share the pictures of these happy faces on this blog. Today, I cannot do this because revealing their identity means putting them at the risk of getting stigmatised by us!

Until next time,

Keep Dreaming! :)

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing this session. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. :-)

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.

Read More