Thursday 31 December 2015

Where There Is HOPE, There Is LIFE.

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On my wall, the poster reads - There is always hope! :-)

One of my friends showed this poster to me while we were visiting a shop yesterday. There was no space for any deliberation - I bought it and put it up on one of the most viewed walls in my room. Not that my room has many walls, it just has four walls like most rooms, but I wanted to put it up on a wall from where it is always visible to me while I am studying, reading, sleeping or eating.

Then I also have this stone that reads - HOPE, on my desk from the most memorable travel trip of my life.

As I sit down to write this post at 10: 30 PM India time and 5 PM London time on 31 December 2015, I wonder if I am mad and crazy. I only wonder, I am not. Time and again, we have read, learnt, heard and experienced what a little hope can do for us and the world at large. We have seen great revolutions, great stories and great people who have survived just on hope. But I had always wondered what this hope actually is because for many of us it just disappears when we most need it. In times such as these, how do we survive? (May be there is a rush of memories in my head from the entire year right now and that is why I am blabbering or may be I am making some sense)

For me, the first encounter with what hope really is in its most real form was when I first visited a trafficking survivors shelter home in 2013 in India. These women of steel taught me a lot more about what it is to live in just three months, than I would have learnt in the entire 24 years of my existence.

Since then, I have constantly strived to understand - what does it take to gather that little ounce of courage, what does it take to stand up for yourself in the smallest of situations, what does it take to give and receive love, what does it take to possess compassion in its purest form, what does it take to listen a bit more, what does it take to spread joy, smiles and gratitude, what does it take for anything and everything that makes us a little more human, that makes us who we are, that lets us be?

The year 2015 has given me more than one answer to these questions. The one I live up to each moment of my existence is - all it takes is a little hope, all that matters is that little ounce of faith in our being, all that it takes to love is that selfless compassion and all that it takes to live is that little ounce of courage that gives us the strength to write and live our OWN STORY.

No, the year will not necessarily be easy even we possess hope, but it can be beautiful and fulfilling for us to walk the path that we want to carve for ourselves, to write our own story and to live up to it each day against the forces that we may encounter. 

Therefore, before this year comes to an end and the new one begins in all its glory, I heartfully thank every person, friend, family, mentor, guide, teacher, women, children - everyone I have had the good fortune to know and work  with this year; who have not only increased my faith in all of the above but have also made me a little more of me each day and have left their permanent impressions of hope and love.

I am eagerly looking forward to what the new year has in store for me. I don't know what it does but what I do know is that I am going to live it with a little more of each of these every day - compassion, gratefulness, hope, love and faith. Oh and I will be a learner for life and a better listener as well!

Have a hopeful new year 2016!

With a heart full of gratitude and love,
Pankhuri Amal

:-)

#freedommatters #smscentre #shaktivahini #friends #love #soas #felix #chevening #inadiatolondon #kensho #travel #books #newfood #dunvegan #photography #thankyounotes #compassion #hope #faith #smiles #moments #antihumantrafficking #amal #learning #experiences #exploration #travelsolo #people #places #musingsofthesoul

Monday 28 December 2015

The Last Session - Not The Last One!

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Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the seventh and the final post, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills sessions at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

I have been procrastinating to write this post for a long time now. It has been almost three months since I last visited the SPID - SMS Centre for a session with the children. Part of the reason for this procrastination was because I was dealing with settling down in a new city (and country) and the other part of the reason is that I did not want to feel nostalgic when I read my diary where I planned for each session and sort the photos for this blog post.

But it has been coming back to me again and again. And hence I am sitting on my messy desk with a yellow dim light at 6:26 p.m. on a lazy, sleepy but inspiring Sunday; inspiring because I have been reading the beautiful diary entries of these children, some of which I shall illustrate in this blog post. 

As I begin to pen down the memories of the last session, many beautiful memories are rushing through my mind with Lalitha ji, master ji, the children, everybody at the SMS Centre. I feel bit nostalgic and a bit happy to have gained something in life that makes me smile each time I think about it, that made me a better human being and that will always be in my heart. It is as if a part of me belongs to the SMS Centre.

(For people who are reading this post for the first time, you can read this post for context)

I vividly remember my answer to what home means to me on a recent travel trip. I remarked profusely - GB Road (vocally) SMS Centre (in my mind). This explains the plethora of emotions I am experiencing right now as I sit to write this final post with a firm belief that I will soon pen down another series of similar posts.

It all started in June when I had a small dream to learn life skills with a bunch of children in Delhi's red light area. Materialising it did not seem easy and I had no belief whatsoever to take this initiative on my own. After all, we have been trained to always have someone to guide us, to mentor us; we need an organisation to work with. But when I went to meet Lalitha ji, something changed. I got insurmountable courage and strength. I decided, come what may, I am doing this.

The following four months from June to September have been the most memorable months of my life until now. Each session made me more aware about myself. It would not be an exaggeration to state that each session made me a better person. I am sure that I learnt more than what I taught. When I look back, I cherish all those moments with intense happiness. I found a new family, I found hope, I became stronger.

The Session
The placards read - I am a leader, 
I am courageous and hopeful, I am 
awesome, My dream :-)
I did not know how to tell them that it was our last session together, at least for now. So we simply started the session without having any discussion about it. We had placards which had highlights from all the previous sessions - I am awesome, I am a leader, I am courageous and hopeful, I have a dream, I am brave and so on. All these placards were spread on the floor and we all sat in a circle surrounding them. Then children in groups were asked to arrange them in any order and shape - circular, in line, parallely or any other way. This was to judge if we understand life skills as a whole or we take them as a step-by-step process. Either way is correct. It depends on how we see life, how we percieve ourselves in this world and how confident we are to follow the path of our dreams.

Post this, children were divided in groups and they were asked to make anything that could illustrate their learning from all the sessions - it can be a painting, a write up, anything.





Here are some illustrations from this activity.

This one reads - We should believe in ourselves. This illustration outlines the dreams of the three children who made this - the centre one depicts a rocket; the child wishes to be a scientist like Dr APJ Abdul Kalam. The left one is a school; the child wants to be a teacher. The right one is the child himself standing on a stage and the audience cheering him up. He wishes to be a rockstar.
This illustration again describes the dreams of  three children. The left one wishes to be an actor, the centre one a missionary and the bottom one a soldier. They have then combined the values from the sessions to describe these dreams - self belief, dreams, leadership. 


The top one shows a house, a car and family; the bottom left one shows that the child is dreaming to be an actor; and the bottom right one shows the child is a doctor and is treating her patient.






Post this, children were given diaries that will always remain with them. This was inspired from Mia who brought a bundle of papers in the previous session and it was titled - My dairy. She told me how she pens down her experience of these sessions in this diary. I so wished in that moment that I should have encouraged all children to do so from the first session itself. 

They were given the diaries and were asked to write three entires - they as a five year old, a 25 year old and a 35 year old - a letter to themselves or what they imagine themselves to be doing during these different phases of life. Thanks to Kanu Ma'am for this amazing idea and to Lalitha ji for helping in implememting it perfectly.

As the children were writing so intently, I was observing them. I wanted the moment to freeze in my eyes. The greatest gift for me on reading those diary entries was to realise that - children now believe a little more in themselves, and in their dreams and their flight for freedom than when I had first met them. I felt rewarded and a bit proud that day.

Here is a diary entry of one child (Tenses have been changed in translation at some places to convey the meaning of what the child intends to express). I request the reader to read these with no perceptions and with no intention to make logical sense. These depict the heart and dreams of children - they are flawless like a river, they are honest, they are pure.

"When I was five year old, I used to see children going to school and used to wish that some day I will also go to school, learn, get education and grow old to be a good human being. When I used to see other children playing with toys, I used to ask my mother to buy me one. I also asked my mother to take me to my grand parents' home. My mother loved me a lot and I also loved my mother a lot. I used to play with toys. Sometimes, my mother used to beat me. She also used to give me a bath. 

And when I used to see people dancing, I also wanted to dance. So I tried to copy their steps. And when I used to see scientists making robots in movies, I also wished to be a scientist." 
"Now that I am 25 year old, I have passed 12th grade and I have started going to college. I am studying to be a scientist. I have some friends too. After I complete my education, I will also teach other students with similar dreams."
"Now that I am 35 year old, I have got married and I am a scientist. I remember my old school and SMS centre. I go to visit SMS centre whenever I can. I also take care of my mother. And also of my children. My children want to learn dance. So, I have enrolled them in dance classes. I take my children to participate in dance shows. I also teach science to my children. 

Then when I get time, I go to meet my mother. I live happily with my family. My children go to school to study and I let them walk the paths of their dreams."

The drawing shows - I am happy, me and my mother, my wife and my children.














Another one....



"I am 35 year old. I have two children and my parents are old now. My children study in an English medium school. My children go to school at 7 am and I go to work at 10 am. My husband is in the police. I am a doctor.

I always used to doubt myself if I can be a doctor. But now I know how important it is to believe in ourselves. 

I will enable my children to study a lot. I love my family. And sometimes I go to visit Lalitha ji. I will never forget her."








I then went to each child and attached their notes and other drawings from the previous sessions in their new diary. They were excited to hold it - that feeling of owning something which can contain our heart!

After the session
Post this, I told them that this was our last session together for at least a year. They had a lot of questions on their face. We talked for a while. I had taken a prayer flag for the SMS centre from Leh. Lalitha ji asked me to hang it in the class room. I stood up on a chair and put it near the picture of a God. Lalitha ji asked master ji to click my picture. Then we clicked some group pictures as well. We then danced for a while.

Then I asked Lalitha ji for an acknowledgment letter for my time at the SMS centre as I will require that as proof of my work there. She said - "You write, I will blindly sign it. I don't do it for others but for you I will unconditionally sign it. And do write everything in detail." That moment I could not even say a thank you properly. I just felt - I have definitely earned a lot, something that cannot be described in words. 

Then I left with a promise to return back before I leave India for further studies. Lalitha ji gave me juice to drink. She also asked me to take lunch but I was in a hurry for further work. So she gave me a chocolate and asked me to eat it on my way out. 

And when I returned back
The next day Hardik and I went to the centre to do some videography for a video we were making. I sat with Lalitha ji while she gave us tea and biscuits. I showed Hardik around the SMS centre - where I hung the prayer flag and where we used to do the sessions. I was actually showing all of it to myself. I wanted to capture the existence of this experience in my heart forever.

As I left that day, I bid farewell to the children, master ji and Lalitha ji. I had tears in my eyes and so did she. I can never forget that last glipmse of her inspiring, calm and courageous face. I will return back soon. After all, home is where the heart is. 

A Note
This last session changed me in a lot of ways. It also showed me very vividly how these children have similar dreams and ideas about their life like anyone else. Then why are they sidelined? Whay are they discarded? Why are they not respected? 

Today, if it was not for the taboo of the world that these children and their mothers face every day, I would have shared the pictures of their divine smiles.
Today if we did not discard them as 'not normal' and let them study and live with us, I would have shared pictures which depict their wishes, their dreams, their desires, like other 'normal' children.

For one last time, I request you all to just think once the next time you say anything derogatory against these children or their mothers. These children are same as our children. In fact, most of them seem to have better values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

And even if you decide to do otherwise, I will continue with my strong faith. I will walk all the way with many other people like Lalitha ji with that little lamp of hope and faith in my hand that says - every human has a right to live a life of dignity. Every child deserves education and childhood. Everyone deserves to be free. And I will fight for this freedom until my last breath.

Until next time,
Keep Dreaming, Keep Believing and Keep Living!

:-)

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing these wonderful and blissful sessions. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. If you would like to be trained and take up these sessions, please contact them on their FB page or leave a comment here. 
You can also donate to the SPID - SMS Centre - clothes, bags, shoes, food, money, anything. Leave a comment here or write to Lalitha ji at lalithasa10@gmail.com.

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.

Friday 25 December 2015

Happy Birthday Devina!

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Hi Devina :D

As I sit on my desk at 4:58 a.m., (trying to not sleep because I want to eat the masala dosa with you for breakfast) to write this blog post and then at 2:30 p.m. to update and publish this, the first thing that comes to my mind is - Birthday toh bahana hai tumhara, maze hum sab ne kiye bahut :D

I wanted to post this first thing in the morning but then I also wanted to post this with our group picture at THE POINT. Amish had it and he was sleeping. When he sent it to me, I was sleeping. Hence, the post got a bit late. Anyway, I am happy that it did for otherwise I would not have got the chance to write about all the selfless kindness and the joy of giving whole heartedly that I witnessed this morning during breakfast with you. As I saw you distributing sweets and christmas ornaments to everyone in the mess and wishing them Merry Christmas, I could see and sense an unusual aura of divine happiness on your face. I was smiling all the time unconsciously. I felt so proud and happy telling everybody that - It is her birthday as well! :D Please do not get out of your room without me today because I want everyone to know that it is your birthday as well.  I loved it when people were giving you birthday wishes and blessings and you were staring at me :D You queen of modesty!

Indeed, today has been a spectacular day. Starting from the divine midnight prayer at Saint Paul's Cathedral to finding our way through the routes of the Santander Cycle docks to cycling all the way to Primrose Hill, it was a night to remember. Thank you Devina, for it is because of your birthday that we all could live these moments of togetherness or as you would like to put it - the I love you zindagi moments. :-)

I had a gala time for I could trust each one of you that we will figure out everything. So I was not bothered really and was clicking pictures :D


         




One of the best moments was when Surabhi lay on the footpath and Rishi gave her his jacket. I felt so happy inside - so much care and love in these people. Then the big cap was the highlight of the discussion throughout the night. Or when Amish was ensuring that everybody gets together safely and comfortably. Or when Silky rode off to some random road and then Rishi and Amish found her back. Or when Yadu was so carefully taking care of the bag and he carried it all the way on his bicycle. Or when we all were simply singing and laughing and cracking the world's baddest jokes! Hamara jokes bahut ghinaune hote ja rahe hain. Kuch karna hoga. :D 

How small random moments build memories for a lifetime is something I have always treasured and valued. 






















And then when we did reach the Primrose Hill, I was so happy. I just wanted that beautiful moment to freeze. Oh My God! I am still there at the top of the hill at 3 a.m. sitting with you, Amish, Silky and Surabhi, staring at the sky, the full moon, the bright stars and the beautiful skyline of the city of London! Am I the one experiecing all of this? I still cannot believe this. Thank you so much. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have made it to the top of the hill amidst the not-so tyring bicycle ride and Silky's 'urgent need' (:D). I am glad we did. I still cannot forget the expression on your face when you saw that skyline and those little cup cakes. That moment when you blew the candle and I hugged you, I could hear all that you wanted to say without you even uttering a word. This is friendship.

I don't think I would really write down a post so early in the morning for any other friend baring you and a few others. I want you to know how special you are because of the human being that you are. When I look at you, when I am with you, my faith in being humble, grounded, kind and humane increases manifold. If there is any person in London who I know can never get swayed away by anything, it is you. While the world goes on dancing it's own tunes of blah blah blah, you remain calm amidst the chaos. You are like the sea that endures all the waves with grace and elegance. You are the gum (:D) of our group. I so admire you for being you.

Always stay the same. There is nothing or nobody in this entire world and beyond, that deserves to take that inspiring and beautiful smile off your face. We love you loads and we are so lucky to have you in our lives.

Stay blessed and keep shining - brighter than the stars and the lights of the skyline of London! :D


P.S. Thank you for the holiday present. I won't share the details of that here. Voh thoda personal hai na :D You made our day and the entire year!

P.P.S. Voh card mein spelling mistake mujhse hui thi. Naam mein kya rakha hai yaar vaise bhi. Chodo! :D :D

Wednesday 23 December 2015

The Green Scarf!

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Happiness is recieving a parcel all the way from home with all the things you ever wished for but you would have never purchased for yourself.

Happiness is that special feeling when you wonder about each thought, emotion and effort that went into collecting all of it and figuring out for the first time how to send it to a foreign land.

Happiness is that one letter from your sister that makes you believe more in your individuality and beliefs when she touches the right chords of your heart through her words.

Happiness is that emotion that you know your father possessed when he felt like sending everything he could to his daughter.

Happiness is a hand woven scarf from your mother in your favourite colour that says it all - her auro, her perfume, her feel, her emotions that emanate and say - I miss you.

Happiness is family.
:-)

Tuesday 22 December 2015

A Night To Remember!

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(Disclaimer: I am not good at describing events through words. I am writing this one because I want to make this experience a part of my blog:D)

Some days in life make us feel our existence in a very special way. These are the days which make us believe that we have definitely done something good to deserve all the love and care from our friends and family. Honestly speaking, these are the days which increase our faith in OUR BEING.

Like many young (or not so young:D) students coming to a foreign country to study, I too have a bucket list. One of the things-to-do in that list was to wear a saree and dance on the streets of London. Thanks to my 'partner in madness' Surabhi, we decided to make it happen one fine night. I even wrote it down in my planner. I was so excited!

Saree in London - Check!
The day arrived. Thanks to Devina, Surabhi and I wore the saree almost perfectly. I couldn't stop thanking my parents for the beautiful saree. I immediately clicked a picture and sent it to them. Thanks again to Devina for this. Devina was looking stunning in a salwar suit gifted by her Mom, one of the prettiest I have ever seen. We were feeling beautiful inside out. The excitement had reached sky high and we couldn't stop smiling. 

Subsequently, Amish, Devina, Sara, Surabhi and I stepped out. We decided to walk instead of taking a bus. All of them were very considerate in asking Surabhi and me if we were comfortable walking in a  saree. We remarked proudly - Yes we are!



Pretty Us! :-)






Even cars slowed down in front of us and people (both men and women) complimented us - pretty ladies. There was no limit to the happiness and excitement that this experience accorded us.











At the Mexican Restaurant!

Then, we stepped into a mexican restaurant in Covent Garden. Thanks to Sara for taking us there. The food was utterly delicious. 









The Surprised And Happy Me :-)


As we finished the food, the restaurant staff came with a desert and placed it in front of me and everyone started singing happy birthday. I thought it was a mistake. My birthday is on 15th August and not 19th December. I was so surpirsed that I was almost about to cry. 














Being Wished On A Day That Is Not Your
Birthday Feels Better Than Bing Wished On
Your Real Birthday :D
Then I blew the candle and we all enjoyed the desert together. In that moment, it felt like being with family. Later, Devina told me that it was Amish's idea. Since none of us was in London on my birthday, so they decided to celebrate it now, just randomly. Until the time I stepped out of the restaurant, everyone was wishing me happy birthday. I was taking full advantage of the attention I was getting by thanking all. My excitement had crossed the limits that the immortal sky has to offer!

I couldn't stop saying - It is my birthday!








It Couldn't Get Any Better - At My Favourite Place In
The Entire World - SOAS <3



We then stepped out and started walking, singing and randomly dancing. We went dancing at a gay bar in Soho, a Spanish rumba place on Oxford Street and walked through my college, SOAS. It was like everything was perfect that night. All the elements of my life that meant the most to me - were coming together in just one night!




Our other friends, Juhi, Rishi, Dhruv and Viha joined us in between. Then we sat amidst the lightning in peace at Russell Square. Thanks to Amish for this. It was beautiful. I am going there again for sure. At one point, amidst all of this, Devina and I just stood amidst the crowd in some random street, closed our eyes and felt the wind and the noise. The 'I love you zindagi' moment for us! It was as if the entire word inside us had stopped while the world outside us was moving at its fastest pace. Even though we couldn't match it's speed, we had no inclination to do so. We were at peace with ourselves.

The People Who Stayed From Beginning Till The End :D
Thanks to Devina's 'I love you zindagi' moments, Surabhi's 'partner in madness' inclination, Sara's choice of amazing food and Amish's surprise and spectacular choice of places, it was a night that not only checked a lot of things on my bucket list, but also made me feel my existence in a  very special way. 

I might not always express as most people can. Moreover, now with my spectacles, maybe it is more tough to read me (:D). But, I want each one of you to know that I truly value and treasure these moments of togetherness.

Thank You, Dil Se! :-)

Thursday 10 December 2015

End of Term 1 at SOAS

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Location: Calumet, Drummond Street, London      Date: 10 December 2015       Event: End of the Year Photo Exhibition


This picture kind of sums up Term 1 for me - almost three months in London.

Creating a small space for discussion on human trafficking - check
Respectfully placing the stories of brave survivors of human trafficking in academic essays - check
Building a small dialogue on hope, kindness and strength through photography and blog writing - check
Walk, stand, stare, travel, explore, love, with an open heart - check

Looking forward to many more adventures, experiences and to the happiness of spreading kindness and love!

Indeed, Thank You.

:-)

Saturday 5 December 2015

If You Don't Have Compassion, You Are Not A Human Being!

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Location: SOAS, University of London       Taken on: December 5, 2015      Event: Tales of 1947 - A Play

Why is a woman always at risk? In every situation, in every context? We have a lot of answers to this question. We can do research, dig deep into academia, advocate, debate and answer this in various contexts to satisfy ourselves that we understand all that is wrong with the world. We can also choose to not care. We have all rights to live the way we wish to.

This is not the aftermath of watching a play on the partition of India and Pakistan and the horrible tales people went through, this is not anger culminating from seeing women deprived of their dignity since time immemorial, this is also not the consequence of getting strong and vivid images of women who are stripped of their dignity every single day multiple times in this world....right here where we live!

This is a simple statement - enough is enough. I no longer want to plead to anyone to take some step, to take some action, to care, to be human for a change. I just want to say this now - if you don't care, you are not a human being. If you don't have compassion, you are not a living being. If you can't empathise, you don't have a heart, you don't deserve to live. Period.