Skills for Life Session 3 - Dealing With Failures

Note: Names of the children have been changed to protect their identity. In addition, all details and stories of the session have not been shared here to respect the emotions of the children.

This blog post is the third, in the series of posts, describing the experience of conducting life skills sessions at Delhi's red light area, G.B. Road.

I was a bit skeptical about taking this session. This is because the children were so enthused after the previous session on goal setting that I had fears about telling them or making them realise that there will be hurdles in realising the dreams, that they are so passionate about. Therefore, I wanted with all my heart that after this session, children do not fear hurdles or failures, but instead embrace them and face them heads on.

Before the Session

As I entered the warm and lovely premises of the SPID - SMS Centre, children started to gather around and greet me. Oh the excitement and happiness on their faces! We started to chat casually while setting collateral for the session, when one little cute girl Mrinal, held my hands, took me outside the room, and showed me a picture of Kalam Sir. While holding my hands tight, she explained, "Didi, aapne pichli baar inke baare me bataya tha na, usi din shaam ko humein pata chala ki voh nahin rahe. Par hum ne newspaper me se yeh photo cut kar ke wall pe laga li hai. Hum ne prayer bhi ki thi" (Didi, in the previous session, you told us about Kalam Sir and then in the evening on the same day we heard in the news that he passed away. We have cut his picture from the newspaper and put it here on the wall. We also prayed that day for his soul).

I could only smile as they gathered around me and we all held our hands in unison. We then went back inside the room. 

Start of the session

We started with discussing about having self-belief to realise our dreams. Children remembered most of the things from the previous sessions, which set a good base for this one. The discussion was then taken forward by asking them if they have faced or are likely to face any hurdles in realising their dreams. Some children remarked profusely that sometimes they find it hard to study and keep up the motivation, if they do not score good marks. 

Efforts were made to trigger a thought that many people blame their situations or circumstances when faced with failure. Some children nodded and added that this was true since when they have faced hurdles in the past, their first reaction was to frown or blame the situations around them.

The following story was then narrated to the group.

It was one of the biggest eye-opening moments for me. I was walking with one friend of mine in a warm April evening. Besides the road we saw a small boy sitting on the footpath like a lifeless object staring blank on the road in front of him. Actually he was a papadwala with the stack of papads kept beside him. We felt something suspecious, so we approached him and tried to strike a conversation with him. I asked him to sell us the papad. First he did not say anything, then when we asked him again then he simply refused that he has no papad. Whereas we could clearly see that he had papad in his stack.

We then sat down with him and politely asked him what had happened and why is he refusing to sell us papad.He came to tears and in a choked voice he told us that his name was Vijay and  earlier in the day he slipped while crossing the road and all his papad fell and got broken.Vijay was then sitting on the footpath from last half-an-hour and waiting for the next bus to arrive so that he can jump in front of it and commit suicide because his father would beat him badly as he earned nothing for the day. Luckily it was a route where very few buses came. Then we asked him his address which he could not describe to us apart from the bus number. Then we bought all the broken papad from Vijay which cost us Rs.40.

After listening to the story with curiosity, the children were silent. Lalitha ji asked them if what Vijay was thinking of doing (a suicide) was right. Children were then told that no failure is too big to be able to end a life. Life is above all failures. They should be happy about the fact that they go to school, eat food, and sleep safely, while many children do not have this privilege.

Children nodded with faith.

A video showing the poem, 'Koshish karne walon ki kabhi haar nahin hoti', (those who try, never fail) (Video), written by Late Harivansh Rai Bachchan and recited by his son Amitabh Bachchan, was played.  

The children were then told Amitabh Bachchan's story as to how he was rejected multiple times from a radio station (citing his heavy voice) and acting (citing his height), but now he is best known for all these traits and is the super star of Bollywood. Children then shared some of their experiences of trying and then winning, instead of giving up in simple things like - learning mathematics, getting good grades, getting into another class, etc.

They could relate to the words of the video and they themselves explained about the lessons imparted in the video, especially the fact as to how an ant does not give up even after falling multiple times while trying to climb the wall and then it eventually wins. This seemed to be the favorite part until the end of the class.

The video of the Prince Dance Group (Video) was then played. One child who also aspires to become a dancer had tears in his eyes with passion gleaming bright. Then they were told the story of this dance group. Some children were left awestruck and they asked many questions.

Krishna Reddy was born in Behrampur. One of his elder brothers loved dancing, so he learnt dance by observing his brother. His brother started a dance group and Krishna became a part of it. They used to perform in local village, city events. Krishna used to perform solo on stage with the name ‘Prince’. 
After completing class 12th Krishna started his own dance group called ‘Prince Dance Group’. But the question now was where he would find members? So he simply started going house to house, looking for students to teach. He found 8 students who signed up for Rs.100 per month. In two years he was teaching 20 kids. But Krishna wasn’t happy as the kids weren’t totally serious about dancing. So he left teaching kids and started looking for people with passion for dance. 
Krishna travelled 30-40kms from Behrampur, looking for youngsters with a passion for dance. He stuck a rapport with a completely different set of people. He started teaching a group of mazdoors i.e. daily wage labours. The mazdoors readily agreed when Krishna approached them to teach dance. So these workers used to gather around a Kali Mandir at night and dance till 2 or 3 in the morning everyday. These were excellent students. They knew nothing about dance so they used to agree to anything that Krishna used to teach. They started doing small shows. These mazdoors used to dance with the hope of a better future.

Everyone used to ridicule Krishna, but he knew that whatever he was doing was out of his passion which would bear fruits some day.In 2006 Krishna decided to try his luck at ‘Boogi Woogie’. They travelled to Mumbai. With little money somehow they managed to reach the boogie woogie office but they had no place to stay. And the rooms available were very expensive. With heavy heart Krishna decided to used all their savings to stay at Rs.8,000 a day accomodation for the entire group of 16 workers. They did not win the competition but judge Javed Jaffery was so impressed by their performance that he gave them a consolation prize of Rs.75,000 in cash. And the exposure at Boogie Woogie started getting them small stage shows as well. The earning was slow and people left and joined the group from time to time but Krishna continued to make efforts. 
In 2009 a show called India’s Got talent got launched with prize money of Rs.50 lakhs. Krishna decided to participate in the show with his team. He visualised a nes kind of dance, never seen before, a dance which was not about individuals but the whole coming together to become greater than its parts. When they performed for the first time judge Shekhar Kapur said ‘Your act proves that to be an artist, you don’t need resources, you don’t need professional training’. With great effort put in everyday, Krishna Dance group won the contest against all odds.Krishna gave the prize Maruti Ritz car to the village of Ambodpur, where they used to practice, to be used by the community as an emergency vehicle. Of the 50 lakh prize, he helped the families of the mazdoors that were part of his group and also renovate the Kali Mandir where they once used to practice dance. 
Sony Music has signed a two year contract with the group and takes care of their stage shows now. With the announcement of prize money of 1 crore and four acres of land by the Orissa Government, Krishna is building up a dance academy where he will teach hundreds of villages kids in future.

"My friends say that I cannot dance.
My mother used to daily tell me that
there is no purpose in sending me to school
as I cannot study. My family says that I
can never fulfill my dream of becoming
a scientist."

"My brothers used to tell me that I cannot
dance but I will show them that I can
become a dancer. My friends say that I
cannot do swimming because I fear water;
I will prove them wrong."

Children were then given plain sheets of paper and they were asked to write down things that they think they cannot do or other people think they cannot do. After writing them down, they were told to share what they had written, only if they wanted to. Some children shared with a bit of hesitation. Among the many things they shared, there were things that their family or friends or outsiders had told them that they cannot achieve like, their dreams, etc.

Pieces of papers representing things children cannot do -
THROWN AWAY with confidence! :-)

 They were then asked to tear this piece of paper to smallest of pieces and throw them away. Children had so much aggression while doing so as if they were finally getting a space to vent out their anger. They then remarked, "Didi, aap ise jala dena, aap ise kahin door fenk dena jisse yeh hamare paas na pahunch sakein" (Didi, burn these, throw them very far away so that these do not reach us back). One girl said, "le bhaiya aaj tu ja" (brother, go away). She had written down things that her brother tells her she cannot do.

Children were in so much aggression that it seemed the right time to turn this aggression into the highest possible positive energy and passion. They were asked the following,

Do we believe in ourselves? They shouted Yes.

Can we achieve our dreams? They shouted Yes.

Is there anything we cannot do? They shouted No.

Lastly, a video of Kalam Sir (Video) was played, showing his initial failure at the space station in India but eventually winning the battle through self-belief and consistent hard work. Kalam Sir is their Hero now!!

End of the session

"I want to do an activity which
involves painting. Can you bring
such an activity next time?"

As the session ended, children seemed elated as if they had conquered all their fears. Songs from the movie Iqbal and many other movies were played, as they started to fill the box of happiness.

"I am awesome because I believe in
myself." (ripples of impact from
the previous sessions)

I started talking to Laitha ji about what she feels about these sessions. She told me that she will give her feedback. For now she feels, that some children have started to speak up, who otherwise do not speak in the class. She then discussed some issues the centre has been facing. As I started to empathise with her, she said - "But then I feel that if there are no issues, how will I remain active, how will I keep going, where will I get that positive energy to keep going". I left the centre with the strongest faith in the life lesson I had just imparted to the children - we will always have the required motivation even in the darkest of times, only if we are mad enough for our dreams.

Indeed, we all learn at this beautiful place. It is my home now, as Lalitha ji and the entire staff has led me to genuinely believe.

I left that day with something, which kept me on my toes for the entire week; of course, after drinking the Lemon juice.

Until next time,
Keep Conquering your Fears! :-)

P.S. The next time you say anything derogatory against these children or their mothers, think twice. These children are same as our children. In fact, most of them seem to have better values and life principles than we 'normal' people are able to impart to our children. 

Special thanks to Skills for Life for designing this session. The session is far more enthralling than what has been described in this write up. :-)

*NOTE: It is suggested that anybody who wishes to work in this area, does so through an established and trusted NGO. This is not a place to explore casually; do take care of your safety first.