The Relationship Conundrum

One of my very close friend is dealing with a serious relationship crisis. I know for sure that no matter how many of us are there to offer her advice and words of consolation, she is standing alone like that lone warrior in the battle field. The only difference here is - she is not just fighting this battle with the outer world, but it is also a battle with her inner self. And let me tell you that I am boggled by her strength and courage. She is indeed a warrior. She is fighting with it each day.

This situation triggers many thoughts in my mind about life and its most important element - relationships. A while ago, my best friend complimented me - you build relationships when the world is running after building networks. The context was a bit different from what we are discussing in this post but it gave me some perspective on how important yet difficult it is to nurture any kind of relationship. 

Today, when I see distorted sense of relationships around me, I wonder as to what it is to be yourself? What does a relationship truly mean? Is it possible to preserve your individuality amidst this journey of life? Or is it a matter of transition? I say distorted because it does not match with my understanding of relationships. I see people getting into and coming out of relationships like getting into a shopping mall and coming out of it after shopping. I see people wasting their life around failed relationships. No, I am not judging. I have and will always respect individuality. After all, being human is about respecting and accepting the differences.

Here, I would like to share with you one of the most treasured values I have gathered from my parents - how do you nurture a relationship? Any relationship? My parents are complete opposite beings - one organised and disciplined, while the other not so disciplined and organised; one who leaves no space to express warmth and kindness and the other who is not so expressive. But I have grown up seeing how well they have accepted each other's differences with respect. They try this every day, even after 25 years of their marriage. For instance, how papa arranges for all the things mumma wants to distribute in a  shelter home or how mumma organises the chairs in the living room because even though it does not matter much to her, it matters to papa. Over the years, I have also seen them developing certain traits of each other. For instance, how mumma now likes to keep everything organised and how papa prepares the morning tea for both of them because mumma likes to have it in the bed. All of this has given me one important lesson for life - a relationship is built on mutual acceptance of differences and respect, always.

So, what do we do when we are faced with a failed relationship? Not that I am an expert but I understand that it is a battle with your inner self; it shows you many traits about yourself which you did not know existed. I read somewhere - the hardest victories are against yourself. Seen in the context of relationships, it indeed is true. Today, when I heard my friend speak about the conundrum between her heart and mind, I could sense something - the desire to preserve her individuality; not for her family or the world, but because it mattered to her. 

May be I am mixing up a lot of things here and it is not making much sense. But through this post, I just want to convey this small message - the person who deserves you is the person who first and foremost makes you a little bit more of you each day. He or she is the person who takes your flight higher and who lets you be. There need not be any sense of any communication. That person essentially walks with you, always, irrespective of the physical or emotional distance. We may call it love or whatever, but the stories that are worth intersecting their paths are the stories which are first and foremost built on a strong sense of accepting and appreciating individuality.

Cheers friend! I know you will sail through. Thank you for teaching me about individuality and respect today. 

Oh and you always have my wishes and love. Let us sail through this dancing and singing, like we always do! :D

Love,

Pankhuri :-)