When My Father Said Those Words....

I am sitting on my desk at around 6:44 PM trying to sail through an assignment for which I am yet to read around 26 readings and a couple of books, before I start writing! However, I am writing this piece. I don't know why. Why do I feel this urge to pen my thoughts down at this very moment?

Anyway, this article is not about me. This one is about something very unique to my being - a couple of complex, yet genuine thoughts triggered as a result of watching the movie Neerja.

My father and I have always watched soulful, inspiring and life enriching movies together. This time when I am home, it was kind of customary for us to do the same. My father excitedly booked tickets for this movie because he knew this is going to be 'our kind of movie'.

The movie gave me the courage to give words to innumerable thoughts and musings I have been struggling to pen down for a very long time now, fearlessly. Why is it that some people go on to do the impossible selflessly for others? Where do some people get that courage and bravery to beat the odds? Neerja Bhanot - Youngest Awardee of the highest civil honour of my country - the Ashok Chakra. 

Why was it that only she could save the passengers? What triggered that desire in her to do so? I really have no idea. That moment when she knew she could die, what motivated her to still go ahead despite the pain she knew would fall upon her parents and siblings? My mother says - such people are rare. But I say - no, such people are not rare. Each one of us has that spark of bravery, courage and the fire to do the impossible. Then why are many of us not able to translate that spark into a fire?

I really do not have an answer to this. 

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In retrospect, when I think of my journey, it has always been about tiny struggles - the struggle to convince people that what I want to do is possible, that what I am doing is not anything outwardly, that what I see myself doing all my life is worth it. Most importantly, this is what keeps me alive; it truly does. I live for it, every moment of every day. Then there are other subsidiary struggles - of being able to travel wherever I want to, amongst many others. I have not always stood up for things I loved - the tiny ones, because it was more important to stand up for that passion - fighting against human trafficking, and I did not want that to get lost amidst the tiny struggles for other important yet everyday struggles (too many struggles? not really!)

Yes, my all my family's concerns are valid. After all they love me unconditionally, every bit of me. They accept me for who I am. I really bow to them in respect for enduring my work and supporting it in whatever way they can amidst all the struggles of acceptance and recognition form the society; the society for which "it is impossible to live with an income so meagre in a field so unrewarding". I ask - unrewarding? hello? My life is the best it could be because of what I am doing!

Neerja's first marriage was a failure and full of harassment, mentally and physically, in spite of she being 'taught' everything a woman 'should be'; everything about how she should behave, what she should do, what she should not do. If what she 'should be' was right, then what went wrong?

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The past few months in London have taught me some very unique non-negotiable things about life - the value of fighting for one's freedom; the value of travelling one's whole life whenever I want to "Ek baar travel kar liya is saal, dobara karne ki kya zarurat hai", sorry I don't get it now because now I know what traveling does to your soul; the value of education and the vast sea of knowledge that has the potential to turn this world around; the value of being, immersing yourself in what you love doing most irrespective of the opposition from the world; the courage to 'not care'; the bravery to say, yes I am selfish, I don't care what you think of me etc etc etc.

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My father is my only constant supporter in life - weather it is to travel somewhere, or to come home 'late', or to be able to earn those little moments of freedom and happiness - he has always stood up for me. Today when he quoted a dialogue from the movie Neerja, it brought in mixed feelings - of immense happiness, but also of fear.

1. हौसला रखो, हौसले से सब ठीक हो जाता है
2. ना बुरा करो, न बुरा सहो
3. हमेशा यह दोनों बातें याद रखो

Immense happiness because I have this person in life who fights for my freedom - to work, to travel, to roam around, to get married when I want to, to study, to do the impossible, everything. He knows he is putting a lot at stake but I guess it is his trust that makes him do so. He knows I shall keep it safe always. Moreover, he does not expect anything in return. He does not bind my dreams in time. He says - no pressure. Do things at your own pace. He fights for me.

But then I also have this tiny part of fear and sadness, for he has to do all of this for me. Why does he have to? Why can't people understand simple things like the value of dreams, the joy of following one's passion and the power of serene simple things like traveling or just being wherever you want to, whenever you want to.

I do not wish to be anyone. I do not wish to do anything big. I do not even have any dreams for myself. I seriously don't have any expectations from anyone in my life. What I wish for is this - let me live the way I want to because I have this one life and I am not going to get an opportunity to live it all over again.

Thank you Papa, with all my heart and soul. I wish every daughter in this country had a father like you. <3 

With immense gratitude, love and respect,

Your 'Proud' Daughter, 

Pankhi!

:-)

P.S. This description is not even a tiny part of what he is, of what he does for me, of what a wonderful human being he is!