A corporate job or a development job?
LSE or SOAS?
Chevening or Felix?
A traveler or a tourist?
A big house or a small house?
A car or a cycle?
Sleeping in a hotel or sleeping under the stars?
Drinking a 200Rs coffee or a 5Rs tea from a roadside stall?
Traveling in a flight or riding in a train?
Having a silk scarf or a mother's hand woven scarf?
Having a diamond ring or a funky 100Rs ring that you truly love?
लोग क्या कहेंगे या मेरा दिल क्या कहता है?!
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Living a life that is expected of me or living a life that makes me happy?
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World versus Me
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Unconventional Decisions, Questions and Musings
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Moving from the SHOULD to the MUST.....
These are examples of some questions and dilemmas we all struggle to find answers to, to decide and to live with that decision; to truly live with no regret or guilt once a decision has been taken. Yesterday, one of my very close friends recited his experience of a session where he understood what it means to traverse the journey from the SHOULD to the MUST.
I should do a well paid corporate job (for a 'good' profile and a decent standard of living) versus I must work against human trafficking (for this is what I am passionate about).
I should choose LSE (for its name) versus I must choose SOAS (for it has a better course curriculum for my field).
I should choose Chevening (for its reputation) versus I must choose Felix (for I find it more flexible).
I should have a life partner who first and foremost has a fixed secure job (for that is what is 'desirable' for a living) versus I must have a life partner who is honest, simple, courageous and a traveler like me and who I connect with at a platonic and spiritual level and the rest can follow (for this is how I visualise my happiness with that one person).
This journey, right here, of the heart, soul and mind from the SHOULD to the MUST is the most difficult one. Having traveled it multiple times (more than I can even mention here), I know the dilemmas, the confusions and the emotional turmoils one faces while taking these decisions. In fact, these decisions are like journeys which never truly end. This is because all our lives we are taught to do things in a certain way. We are taught what our lives are supposed to be like, what a decent standard of living means and what our profile is supposed to be like, so that we can be called well qualified, professionally and 'otherwise'. And come on, it isn't easy to grow out of the moulds we have been taught to live in, for almost a quarter of our lives!
And dare not you make a deviation from this SHOULD! If you do, you will be flooded with questions. "How much does you job pay?" "Does it sustain you?" "Are you serious?" "This is not normal". "Get real." "See, no one will marry you with this kind of profile". And the questions continue.
I feel fortunate to have understanding and supportive parents, a strong headed courageous sister and a bunch of really cool friends who are also my family. We try to keep each other sane. My parents have always left the final decision to me after objectively guiding me through the pros and cons of each side. I guess this is what has made me who I am today - a little sane headed, having the courage and strength to own up to the decisions I take. I still remember how my parents started giving us pocket money, when we were barely 5 years old and they never guided us as to how we should spend it. There was just this unsaid bond of trust that my sister and I will take the right decisions when it comes to spending it. And we indeed did, most of the times.
In retrospect, I can now see what has moulded my sister and me to be better decision makers, emotionally stable and a bit strong headed to face the world. Our parents trusted us, they always did. When they say that parenting is the toughest job in this entire big world, now I know why it is. It is like you let your heart roam around in the world, a world which isn't safe and kind. But you still let your heart roam around because you know that is what will make it stronger. You carefully and fearfully see your children learn to fly and you tell them, "it is okay if you fall; we will still be there to hold your hands". These are the kind of parents my sister and I have been fortunate to have.
Over the years, as I have grown older, I have started to notice tiny things, especially since the time I started learning photography and write this blog. How I have picked up certain small habits from my parents - I clean and pack like my father, I eat and feel this world like my mother; I take decisions like my father and I love like my mother; I selflessly care for and help people like my father and I let go like my mother.
May be I am getting a bit more emotional than objective in this blog post. This is because this blog post is a culmination of musings and experiences gathered over the past few years; my story, people's stories, friend's stories etc etc etc. Strange. How words give you the courage to recite, not just for yourself but for others as well; how they can make you wise yet fool you sometimes.
Anyway, so unconventional decisions. Where do they take you? Do you fall? How do you know that you are right? An answer to these questions is this, which again comes from the conversation I had with a friend yesterday, "Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?" (from a spiritual scholar)
Is this not true? All our lives, we try to live what is practical or 'should be'. It takes a big heart (like a really really big one) to first stand up against yourself and take that leap of faith to the MUST. This world has innumerable examples of successful and happy people who lived through the SHOULD to the MUST and unhappy people who lived in the SHOULD and vice versa. I am not blaming anyone. I am also not saying that being in the SHOULD is wrong or boring. What I am saying is that if there are people who wish to travel from the SHOULD to the MUST, please let them do that. There is nothing worse than crushing pure and true dreams, desires, passion, love and friendships for 'what the world will say' 'log kya kahenge'. Each story is different, each journey is unique and so is each one of us.
The next time you are standing at the divergence of the two roads, take a deep breath, calm down and listen to your heart. And remember, that the journey will not always be easy. No journey is easy. To be honest, no matter what path I choose, I will always fear if it is the right one. But the one chosen with the heart, with all the belief in my soul, will give me all that I need to travel the road less taken. And I will enjoy every bit of the journey. I just know this.
Until next time, keep dreaming, but also take steps to turn those dreams to reality; not for anyone else, but solely for yourself! Live through the magic that life is!
With Love,
Pankhuri :-)
दिल और दिमाग के बींच में जो दुनिया है न, वहां रहती हूँ मैं!
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